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Johnson: Attempted robbery triggers dilemma
RockyMountainNews.com ^ | 04/17/02 | Bill Johnson

Posted on 04/17/2002 4:57:17 PM PDT by What Is Ain't

The question was, would I ever shoot a man?

It's the kind of thing my buddies and I talk about on occasion. It pretty much tells you all you need to know of my friends.

Anyway, I answered yes. And it surprised me. Richie, my good pal, had reminded me of why. You know, of the time we both got held up.

Actually, we didn't get held up. The store we were in did.

It was a little after 3 on a recent Saturday morning. We were on our way to a morning's goose hunting. We stopped in to grab a cup of coffee.

Richie was pouring and fiddling with the multiple sugar packets he puts in his coffee when the little guy came into the mini-mart. I was behind Rich, waiting my turn. "How odd," I thought.

The little guy was dressed fully in black, from head to toe. He was wearing a Ninja outfit. I swear to you, I thought it was the child of the nice woman behind the counter. He was sort of dancing about -- to impress his mom, I figured.

And then, he backed up and produced a long, black, pipe-looking weapon.

"Oh, dang," I thought, "this is no kid. The joint's getting robbed. And this little fool has a shotgun!" I'm elbowing Richie, when the little guy bangs the pipe on the counter.

"Give me the money, wench!" he shouted. Not "wench," but a word that can't be printed here.

I'm figuring I'm about to be shot. For being a witness. How I longed for my own birdgun sitting unloaded and cased in my car. Had I been armed, I'd have for certain shot this little man.

I know this now. Yes, yours truly, who for years has so publicly railed against the evil that guns do, how they are such an abomination in a decent society.

God help me, I wanted a gun.

Richie, too, finally had noticed. And Richie is a man who often carries a little something on such hunting excursions. He says he does so to "finish" the birds he takes down. On this morning, he -- damn him -- is weaponless.

So we watch it all play out before us, as though we are safe in the Cineplex, waiting for the good guys to arrive.

Until we hear the black pipe. It's plastic! We are ready to rush him, to take his head off.

He sees us first, double-takes and lets go with yet another epithet. He flees -- cashless -- into the night.

Richie was going to throw the pot of hot coffee on him. I just wanted him beaten for scaring the kind woman behind the counter, who is now shaking noticeably.

I am glad I am alive, that it wasn't a shotgun. I am glad, too, that I wasn't armed and didn't kill the little, Ninja-suited man with the plastic stick.

I think of that day every time I walk into any mini-mart. I think of how I probably should be armed -- you know, in case.

I think, too, how I truly don't want to live my life that way, forever with one finger on the trigger. To get the baddies before they get me.

What I am really trying to set straight is whether I really would have killed that little man. They nabbed him less than 10 minutes after he ran out. Richie and I were driven past him, to ID him for the cops.

Had he been carrying a shotgun, he would have killed me for the 75 bucks or so he'd have gotten from the mini-mart. I'm certain of it.

And had I or Richie been carrying one, he'd have died with that plastic stick, trying to get a measly 75 bucks. Stupid fool.

I don't know what to do with any of this.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: confusedliberal; gunowner; hunter
Per the photo accompanying the article, Mr. Johnson is of the minority persuasion. His struggle with his democratic and NAACP indoctrination is readily apparent.

I might point out the obvious to him, to wit: if you had flashed a real weapon at the perp, he would have left the scene with warp speed.

End of story.

1 posted on 04/17/2002 4:57:17 PM PDT by What Is Ain't
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To: What Is Ain't
I might point out the obvious to him, to wit: if you had flashed a real weapon at the perp, he would have left the scene with warp speed.

Or he could have been held for the cops.

2 posted on 04/17/2002 5:05:16 PM PDT by Hugin
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To: What Is Ain't
It is things like this that make you think about who you are and what you would do in that situation. The columnist has apparently thought it through, instead of relying on his emotions to guide him. Emotions can get you killed. Thinking can keep you alive.

One down, a few hundred thousand to go. Only thing is, the MMMers and Sarah Brady's of the world make it difficult to get these few hundred thousand to start thinking.

3 posted on 04/17/2002 5:11:43 PM PDT by Frohickey
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To: What Is Ain't
So now the criminal has to rethink his career choices too. To suceed, he either has to become a better actor, or get himself a real gun for the next one.
4 posted on 04/17/2002 5:15:56 PM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult
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To: Frohickey
The writer is still an idiot. He asks himself if he can shoot someone. Wrong question. Will he take whatever measures are required to eliminate the threat? is the correct question. That question implies a range of force, from: "Drop the weapon", to brandishing, to pointing, to shooting. He needs to take some classes.

/john

5 posted on 04/17/2002 5:16:55 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper
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To: What Is Ain't
I think, too, how I truly don't want to live my life that way, forever with one finger on the trigger. To get the baddies before they get me.

Life is hard. If you are an America male with a family, this is nothing less than your duty.
6 posted on 04/17/2002 5:37:37 PM PDT by garibaldi
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