Replies

People who lose a spouse almost never think clearly until long after the loss. And unless checked by the restraint imposed by social mores, grieving people will often be at the mercy of their own confusion and make a serious mistake. The desire to find another mate as soon as possible after the death of a spouse is akin to being on the rebound after being rejected by a suitor (or, yuck, a lover). It will do the children, relatives, friends, and society as a whole no good when this couple next will go through the further agony of divorce. A wise man or woman would never get emotionally or legally entangled with a recent widow/widower or someone on the rebound.

Death of a spouse is a very sobering event. We married a month after her divorce was final. She got a divorce in the judges chambers on a hospital gurney. This was 6 months after I buried my wife. Her marriage actually ended 18 months earlier from abandonment. A woman raising two kids on minimum wages in a house without water. The jerk pulled out the plumbing. But who suffered? The kids? They were due to her extended hospital stay on their way likely to a foster home. The threat had done been made by those keeping them. Yea a real fine place after mommy gets sick. My girlfriend? Likely on her way to a life in a nursing home. Good place for a young woman to be right? She had no family to help her. I had done formed a love bond to her. I knew in time we would marry and so did she.

Though we are not Catholic some Nuns counceled her in the hospital. They knew and understood well the situation. The kids at the time were with less than desirable persons caring for them. The day we married my wifes parents disowned her. Not that they ever actually care for her anyway. 4 lifes 4 futures hanging in the balance of a moral question.

Prayers were said and answers came fast very fast. So did truth. We married in a hospital chappel about 3 months into her 6 month hospital stay. The kids? I took them to live with me at my parents house till she got out of the hospital. I learned fast how to be a parent.

Now had I listened to others and not my convictions placed on me what would have happened? She would be in the nursing home she slaved in. The kids likely seperated and in foster care or worse with their dad.

But stop looking a negatives and look at what was intended. There is the key to it. When you asked Thy will be done be prepared to except it. She has a husband who loves her no matter what. Remember the vows in sickness and in health? Well neither of us enjoy health so that's no biggie. We've had some rough times sure but you either grow together and bond deeper through sharing your adversities or you split apart. That is true in any marriage not just this situation. The kids? They got to see what a loving family was supposed to be and now enjoy that for themselves. Abuse cycles were broken and lives changed all for the better. No it's not been easy and anything worth having never comes easy does it?

It's so very ironic to me the persons who were against our marriage were persons who never treated her right to begin with. 17 years in November and I would put our marriage as very secure and anchored. I see the good and realize sometimes it takes distance of time to understand why tragidies happen. I also understand to listen to the convictions of the spirit and to obey them.