Posted on 04/04/2002 7:08:02 PM PST by ItisaReligionofPeace
During my flying days in Strategic Air Command (tankers; KC-135's), we had a crew in our squadron (at one of my assignments; Dyess AFB, I think) that had an interesting make-up. The aircraft commander was a Chicago Pole (a major).........short, dark mustache, smart-ass............and his co-pilot was this HUGE black dude (lieutenant) from the Philadelphia projects. These two were just a scream together; a real (if unlikely) comedy duo.
So there they are on a flight, and a bunch of Junior AFROTC (high school ROTC) cadets are aboard for the ride. Now, this was not long after the movie "Airplane!" had come out. Each time a young, fresh-faced cadet would get his turn up front in the cabin (the "cockpit", if you will) to sit in the jump seat, the AC would give him this wonderful little guided tour of all the dials, knobs, gauges, etc., etc. Eventually, the co would say "OK, now, Johnny (or whatever the kid's name would be); I think we've taken enough of the Major's time, so............" Of course, before he'd finish, the AC would go "Oh no no no........he's just fine. Let 'im stay. Say..........Johnny...........ever seen a grown man naked?" or "Ever been to a Turkish prison?" or "Do you like movies about gladiators?"
Each time, the kid / victim's eyes would grow as wide as saucers, he'd positively blanche, and couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Well, the government in its infinite wisdom, also developed one that was white on one end and grey on the other. Some of the recruits got a very tall slender black recruit (whose name just happened to be "White") and they took that artic camo stick and made every visible part of him as white as a ghost.
The junior Drill Instructor for our platoon was Sergeant Robinson. Part of his shtick as the junior was to have the perpetual scowl; he was the "bad cop" drill instructor.
So anyway he came out of the DI's office and saw Private White painted white and he just about collapsed laughing, but maintaining his bearing as all good Marine Non-commissioned officers should, he staggered back into the office and closed the door first.
Walt
In 1977 at West Point, about midnight the night before the Army-Air Force game, we stole the Air Force tactical officer's car from his quarters. We then took it over to North Area barracks, and had a car bash. The Air Force tactical officer arrived about half an hour after we started, and needless to say was freaked out. About 4,000 of us were taking turns beating on his car with sledge hammers and fire axes. He was somewhat mollified once the Brigade Commander handed him a check for $4,000 to replace the car. We had all put up a buck each for the prank.
Back in 1980, I was on a jump with my artillery battery into some National Guard base down near Starke, Florida. Before the jump, one of my buddies and I had taken some C-ration Alpo (Beef with spiced sauce), and put it into airsick bags. We had about a 1-1/2 hour flight to the DZ, and the flight was pretty rough, since we were flying trail in a 12 ship formation. About 20 minutes from the DZ, my buddy and I pulled out the airsick bags, made like we were puking in them, and then pulled out spoons and began to eat from the puke bag. Damn near the whole plane puked. Needless to say, it was a mess in there for the jump. We both got a pretty bad ass-kicking from the battery commander afterwards, but it was funny as hell.
I'm convinced that if the Navy of the CCCP wanted to start somthing with the USN, the Soviet heiarchy would need a huge squadron of glass bottom boats to inspect their fleet. The Russian Navy at one time was so weak it was even frightning to the USA. We were more afraid of the threshold the Soviets would resort to nukes to make up the difference in power.
into some National Guard base down near Starke, Florida
That would be Camp Blanding. I grew up right next door to it and I worked right on Camp Blanding property for a couple of years. (Dupont mine) I loved it when the choppers and jets would fly right over our head and fire at the practice range right next to us. The machine guns the choppers fired would make you crawl out of your skin if you weren't expecting it. I also remember hearing stories of soldiers attempting to sneak up on the Dupont dredges without being spotted...
I was a very young 18 years old, and stationed in Belgium. I was assigned as a security policeman at an alert site at a Belgium Air Force Base. The Belgiums kept aircraft loaded with nuclear weapons on alert.
At first, it was F-84s then they upgraded to F-4s. The planes belonged to the Belgium Air Force, but the nukes were owned by us. There was a Belgium guard guarding the aircraft. The American security police were guarding the nuke on the aircraft. So it was a partnership thing.
There was one Belgium guard who would come out to the post, go into his guardshack and go to sleep. He would just lean his Tommygun against the shack wall. The Belgium Officers would come along every so often and check posts. The Belgium officers were tough. One officer found a guard asleep one night and started beating the crap out of him.
Anyway, I got tired of this guard always going to sleep when he was supposed to be helping me guard the weapon system. One night I walked over and appropriated the guy's tommygun and hid it in back of the alert pad.
Then, I just sat back to watch what happened. He woke up and started looking for his tommygun. It took him a little time to find it, but he did manage to do it before the Watch Officer came out. I still get a laugh from it.
We had a snotty 1st Lt co-pilot who insisted that us enlisted aircrew members carry his B-4 bag and personal effects when on the ground. He acted like he had descended from royalty.
He always relieved himself during cross country flights. The other loadmaster and I crapped in the toilet and didn't flush it. We also failed to correct it's internal pressure to altitude, therefore it was internally at sea-level atmospheric pressure. This pr*ck came back to pee as usual and really pitched a b*tch about the loaded john. He had to flush it and when he did the inverted pressure did it's job. His nomex was saturated. He finished the flight in his skivvies and MA-2 jacket. He never said a word.
Hey, why you guys laughing at me?
New guy was sent to inspection to pick up some Fallopian tube.
Inspection says sorry, we sent the last of our Fallopian tube over to branch.
I had to see what happened next, so I followed him over to branch.
The admin over at brance suggested the new guy talk to the Lieutenant, the only female in the branch office.
I guess someone tipped her off, she handed the New guy about 5 feet of surgical tubing and note. The guy never let anyone read the note, but I remember his face being red the rest of the day.
The Russians didn't have much of a navy but they always got the trawlers on station.
And, once upon a time, my squadron at Iwakuni got some lumber shipped to us to build a deck...and the Seabees stole it! I was tasked with recovery of same. I conducted an Estimate of the Situation, worked up a frag order, and set out.
We'd just about gotten the lumber loaded onto our truck when one of my flank guards gave me the signal that someone was approaching. I immediately told my team to start UNLOADING the lumber.
A Navy Chief comes up, looks at me with distaste, and say, "Just what the Hell do you think you are doing, Lance Corporal?"
"Unloading this lumber, chief."
"Well, not here you don't. Go dump your trash somewhere else!"
"All right, Marines, you heard the Chief! Load it back up!"
After the lumber was secured in our hangar, I was told that my plan had been "slicker than a four-year private's sleeve."
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