Engage and Destroy Any Casino Riverboats

The American Enterprise ^ | April 1, 2002 | American Enterprise

[testforecho]

"Engage and Destroy Any Casino Riverboats"

Tom Burch, a member of the Kentucky State legislature and strong supporter of legal riverboat gambling in the state proposed the following resolution as a way of improving the environment for gambling in the Bluegrass state:

A RESOLUTION encouraging the purchase and vigorous use of the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class submarine.

WHEREAS, in the past few years the scourge of the casino riverboat has been an increasingly significant presence on the Ohio River; and

WHEREAS, the Ohio River borders the Commonwealth of Kentucky; and

WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and

WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky citizens;

NOW, THEREFORE,

Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:

Section 1. The House of Representatives does hereby encourage the formation of the Kentucky Navy and subsequently immediately encourages the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine, namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may encounter.

Section 2. The House of Representatives does hereby authorize the notification of the casino riverboat consulate of this Resolution and impending whoopin' so that they may remove their casino vessels to friendlier waters

[Lazamataz]

WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky citizens;

This guy isn't a lawmaker; he's a writer of flowery fiction.

[Dialup Llama]

>...his daughter, a social worker, is a major hottie.

Pictures please.

[Lazamataz]

He is actually a fat pig of a socialist

If he is a liberal – since casinos tend to attract criminal elements – he should be solidly in favor of more gambling.

After all, the more criminals that move in, the more solid Democrat votes you will see in the region.

[Dakmar]

He obviously hasn't seen our new anti-submarine naval command center in New Albany.

[Jonah Hex]

FR's unwritten rule #1: Never make "hottie" assertions without presenting visual evidence.

(Someday, I need to write down the unwritten rules in invisible ink.)

[Icthus]

On the lookout!

[Dakmar]

That would be in the secret wing of the Ohio River Interpretive Center, right?

I'll never tell. Not since y'all stumbled across our carrier fleet at Clifty Falls.

[Jonah Hex]

Then you'll have to post a picture of Ann Coulter as pennance.

[hchutch]

I will accept pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Britney Spears, Laura Prepon, Sandra Bullock, E.D. Donahey, Laurie Dhue, Tara Reid, and/or Jessica Simpson in lieu of the Ann Coulter pic.

[Jonah Hex]

OK, I'll waiver the Ann Coulter specification. Just make sure it's Jessica Simpson, not Marge.

;-)