You're Mitt Romney, you're flying back to Logan tonight, after the parade in Southie, so you've already made the first good decision of the campaign.
This refers to the St. Patricks Day Parade in South Boston in which most politicians get drunk and make asses of themselves in public.
You're passing up all the hack St. Patrick's Day roasts that so appall everyone who isn't getting Monday off to nurse their hangovers.
The big one is the St. Patrick's Day breakfast roast, and many of the pols are drunk already at this point!
You're W. Mitt Romney and tomorrow in Belmont, they're going to give you a rally right out of ``Music Man,'' because there's trouble, trouble, right here in River City.
Mitt Romney's hometown is in Belmont, a suburb just outside Boston and near Cambridge.
Talk about skeletons in the closet - Shannon O'Brien is married to Enron Emmet Hayes, Tom Birmingham's bride makes $148,000 a year working for a guy named Bulger, and if Robert Reich had any more problems with the facts in his printed works, he could be a columnist for the Globe.
Shannon O'Brien is one of the Democratic candidates for governor and her husband, Enron Emmet Hayes, was making six figures a year as a "lobbyist" for Enron here in Massachusetts. Tom Birmingham is another candidate for governor and his wife is on Billy Bulger's payroll at UMass. Billy Bulger once ran the state senate and is one of the most infamous "hacks" in Boston, putting all his cronies and relatives (and girlfriends of cronies and relatives) on public payrolls to buy their loyalty. He is also the brother of one Whitey Bulger, a mobster on the lam who is currently on the FBI's "most wanted" list. Bulger is currently president of UMass.
Which is why, if you're not in the governor's race by Wednesday, Jim Rappaport will be, and that explains why he took the hit in the paper yesterday for getting behind on his child support.
Jim Rappaport is one of the top Republicans in Massachusetts and recently lost a senate bid to John Kerry. He is currently running for Lt. Governor and hopes to be Mitt Romney's running mate, although if Mitt doesn't enter the race (now unlikely), he will run for governor instead. In Massachusetts, the race for Governor and Lt. Governor are separate so it is possible to have a "hostile" running mate. Acting Gov. Jane Swift hates Jim Rappaport. Rappaport's ex-wife is claiming that he is late on his child support payments and that story was leaked yesterday to the Herald by Rappaport (on a weekend) to get it behind him. A classic Clinton tactic.
You're Mitt Romney, and no, you will not be doing any one-on-one interviews with Andy Hiller or Suzy Wetlaufer.
Andy Hiller is a local reporter made famous for asking then-candidate GWB about who the leader was in Pakistan (he didn't know at the time). Suzy Wetlaufer write for the Harvard Business Review and has a similar reputation for putting conservatives (but not liberals) on the spot.
You're Mitt Romney, and the wiseguys are saying you've got a problem with your wife, Ann, because she has no desire to return to this rotten state to mix it up for eight months. So what - how much time did Jody King spend in Massachusetts when Ed King was governor? Did Susan Roosevelt do a lot of meet 'n' greets? And then there's Chuck Hunt. You're Mitt Romney, and you have no comment - absolutely none - on Chuck Hunt. The polygamy issue cuts both ways this year.
Mitt's wife Ann is planning on staying in Utah during the campaign. Ed King was a one-term GOP governor (between the Dukakis administrations) whose wife continued to live out of state during his short reign. Chuck Hunt is the stay-at-home husband of Jane Swift who was discovered to have two, then three, then four ex-wives. Also, his son (from a previous marriage) is "gay" and has come out against Jane Swift. This might explain why Jane handpicked a gay person (Guerriero) be her running mate. Not only is Guerriero openly gay but he is under investigation by the FBI for "irregularities."
And there you have it, a crash-course in the wacked out politics of Massachusetts. And this is only the tip of the iceberg!