Posted on 02/21/2002 8:32:12 AM PST by Saundra Duffy
Divorce is bad enough - a bloody nightmare - but what happens to families in the aftermath of divorce is even worse. I was pretty ignorant on the subject until my son was faced with the most God awful challenge of his life. The following is from a web site created by a husband and wife who are outraged and hurt over the entire process. Thanks, FReepers, for reading about and contemplating these issues.
I am writing this letter to tell the country about a cruel injustice and blatant discrimination that is going on in the U. S. right now.
My wife and I are both divorced with children from a previous marriage. We have both been granted Joint Legal Custody of our children and are both named the Non-Custodial parent. We are ordered by the court to pay child support every month, and the Custodial parent is ordered to allow visitation.
Here is the injustice:
If we fail to pay child support the custodial parent has a government agency to get the money for the parent with no out of pocket expenses.
If we fail to return the children to the custodial parent at the end of the visitation I can be charged with Kidnapping, which is a felony.
However:
If the custodial parent ignores the court order and refuses to allow visitation as ordered, we are forced to retain an attorney to have the case tried, which takes time and money. The police department will not enforce the court order. The courts require a petition filed (which can take months and be very expensive). Social services will not help either.
Furthermore, the most the custodial parent can be charged with is Contempt of Court, which is a misdemeanor.
Where is the justice in this? One parent has a government agency to protect them while the other parent has to retain an attorney, wait months, and hope to be granted a new court order, that the custodial parent can also ignore.
Money due for child support can be collected any time, but the missed days of visitation can never be replaced.
It is not just the parent that suffers either. The child is robbed of time with their other natural parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings. And the family members of the non-custodial parents suffer as well.
Lately there has been a lot of talk about "Dead Beat Dads", but no talk about the other parent, the ones who love their children and cherish every moment they get to share with their kids.
Even though we have Joint Legal Custody, we do not have joint legal rights or protection. The current laws need to be updated so that the other parent gets the same protection from the government.
We are urging everyone that has had a similar problem, known someone with this problem, or just thinks this is unjust, to write their congressman and senators demanding a change in the laws as well an agency for the protection of the other parent. In all fairness we deserve the same rights and protection the custodial parent has.
You can also write us and we will forward your letters to congress and senate.
"THE OTHER PARENT"
c/o Robert J. and Marie A. Baker Jr.
4615 Port Tobacco Rd.
Nanjemoy MD 20662
Names and addresses are optional but we will require a city and state so we can forward the letters to the correct politicians. If a name is included it will be held in the strictest confidentiality. All letters and E-Mail we receive will be used only for the purpose of lobbying Congress. Some may be posted on this board if permission is given in writing.
The email address is: rrrrbrt@bellatlantic.net
That's what my mom did to my dad.
She then moved her lawyer into the house my dad built. I was 13 and I asked to live with my dad. My mom's boyfriend lawyer motioned in court that I be psychologically tested to determine if I was 'competent' to make such a decision at 13. He claimed in court that my dad had 'warped' me against my mom.
Before I was allowed to live with my dad in a two room apartment after we were exiled from our own home, I had to spend my 8th grade summer being psychologically tested by a weirdo in birkenstocks and black socks.
When he died, my mother came back and tried to get part of the inheiritance (not a fortune, just some land in NM) that he left me. I had to hire a lawyer and spend money to fight her off.
Ah, so now the picture becomes clear...;-)
Just kidding. From what I've seen you weathered that storm.
Shameless plug: A Father's Place
Whoa... Thank you very much. I owe all of my success (and even survival) to my Pop.
He was a great and wonderful man. I miss him greatly. I've read some of the articles you have posted from 'A Father's Place'--good stuff. It is impossible to overestimate the value of a father in a family.
All I had was my father and he made all the difference. We both knew it. I made sure that he knew how much I appreciated what he did for me.
I'm living now in the house he built. Perhaps in more ways than one....
If you don't bother to learn about the character of your partner and your compatability with your partner prior to bearing children with him/her, then there are consequences for all parties... especially the children.
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