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The Top 14 Chapters in "NASCAR for Dummies"
FReepmail from uh...um...somebody. ^ | Couldn't tell ya. | A very insightful individual.

Posted on 02/17/2002 4:45:01 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName

14. Chapter 1: How to Read

13. Chapter 6: Dress for Success: Tube Tops and Skynyrd Tour Shirts

12. Chapter 4: Advanced Technical Terms -- "Yeeeehaww!", "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!"

11. Chapter 12: Why Drunk Chicks Flash the Drivers, and How to Nail Them

10. Chapter 17: "I Watch It for the Allegorical Portrayal of Post-Modern Tropism" and Other Things to Tell Fancy-Pants Urbanites

9. Chapter 5: Saying "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering

8. Appendix A: 20 Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments

7. Chapter 2: The Finer Points of Hating Jeff Gordon

6. Chapter 13: Where to Find Them Little Fake "Calvin" Kids Peeing On Stuff

5. Chapter 8: I Tell You Whut!

4. Chapter 9: Going the Distance: Peeing Into an Empty Big Gulp Cup at 200+ mph

3. Chapter 15: Spit or Swallow? Learning to Chew Tobacco Through Sexual Metaphors

2. Chapter 3: Hey, Isn't Dale a Girl's Name?

And the Number 1 Chapter in "NASCAR for Dummies"...

1. Chapter 7: The Mullet: The Haircut of the Gods is a Practical AND Fashionable Hairstyle for the Discerning Automotive Enthusiast


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: hughhewitt
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To: Go Gordon
I'm not sure I'd like Chapter 2 :-(

...and I thought you were named after a guy called Flash.

21 posted on 02/17/2002 6:19:34 AM PST by tubebender
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To: viligantcitizen
Look, I'm sorry if on a trip down here, you got beat up or violated by some of our err... mountain folk.

LOL.

I'm from North AL. and like picking on Georgia. I lived there for a while and I like GA (the Rome area). You can keep Atlanta, though.

I've heard that it's almost a sin to be from AL. and not like NASCAR, but I'll take my chances.

22 posted on 02/17/2002 6:20:03 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
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To: GotDangGenius
I will say that with this year's changes in the aero-package on the cars, NASCAR has returned to being the most stupid "sport"- if you now want to call it that.

Stupid huh? Like golf? I'd rather watch paint dry. How about the NTA(NBA)(that's the National Thug Association). You've just got paragons of virtue there now don't you? If they're not twirling around loaded shotguns, these tattoed up overpaid millionaires are trying to break Wilt Chamberlain's record for sleeping with the most women they're not married to. And what do they get paid for? Running 90 feet and putting a ball through a net? That's not a sport!!

This is how the race goes:
It starts, cars get lined up according to how much money their sponsors gave them to engineer a faster car, the drivers with the most sponsorship money win, the ones without that money lose- no matter how good or bad a driver they are.

Well not necessarily true no is it? You've got drivers out there that do finish in the top 5 or ten without having the bigger sponsor. Look at the top ten finishes over the past five years. If what you said was true, the exact same ten men would be at the top of the Winston Cup points every year

So, between the first lap and about the 25th lap, the field gets sorted out along those lines, then, you can just turn off the t.v., and come back 5 laps before the end of the race and it'll be virutally the same line- up.

Well been a while since you watched racing has it? The fact is that Daytona and Talladega both use restrictor plates for the exact reason to make the semblance of what you say happens not to happen. That's right. To cause more lead changes and to keep the cars bunched up they instituted restrictor plates at these tracks. Also MHO what helped to cause the wreck that took Earnhardt's life

The race has eliminated driver skill AGAIN and put complaining advertisers who want all that money they spent to sponsor a driver seen as many times around the circle in the first 5 or 6 cars. Don't want people being distracted by a change in lead or a competitive race- no sir- just have 'em stare right at those hoods and see the sponsors name over and over and over again.

Well again you're wrong. If you'd bother watching the race after the first 25 laps, FOX especially spends time on the races back in the middle of the pack. And they talk about a slew of drivers, not just the top 5 or 6. But again this is coming from someone I can see hasn't watched that much racing

An example- last year at the qualifying races for the Daytona 500, there were 21 lead changes in just 50 laps- last year the playing field was evened out with a more equal aerodynamic requirement, so that the race was based MORE on driver skill than anything. This year, they changed the aero package back- its back to the old crap of making it about advertisers who pay the most- there were only 4 lead changes in the qualifying races.

And the dang race was only 50 laps!! Also take into account with the new safety packages, all the issues with the Fords haven't been ironed out. And considering Ford has over 40% of the field, you might think that's why there weren't a lot of lead changes.

Over the winter, NASCAR was threatened with sponsors removing their sponsorship of cars if they couldn't get a return on their advertising investment according to the amount of money they invested in "the hood" per times seen going around in the camera in a cricle.

Really now? That's why even with the economy the way it is you still have new sponsors coming in talking about how GOOD a return on investment this sport is? Well of course if you don't watch the race, I wouldn't imagine that you watch the shows about it either. FOX covered this exact issue Saturday night and the only cars losing their sponsors were the ones affected by the economy like Kmart

So, now, instead of the races being about driver skill, its about BORINGLY watching a car sponsored by whoever paid the most for their hood advertisement via sponsorship, go around in stupid, single-file, unsportsmanlike circles for hours on end.

Like you've never listened to the drivers knocked out of the race or the winner. They mention the sponsor more than the announcers ever could. It's just one of them deals

NASCAR has become a joke. I'm watching one race this year- the Daytona 500. If the guy in the back of the pack doesn't have the opportunity to work his way up to the front using driver skill, there is no reason for me to just sit there for three hours watching a hood ornament saying "DuPont" or "Budweiser" or "Napa" on it go around in circles and no, or, little, driver skill is allowed to be exhibited for the sake of the brandishing the most expensive hood ornament advertising on t.v..

Do me a favor, don't watch

23 posted on 02/17/2002 6:20:24 AM PST by billbears
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To: NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
Is NASCAR big in Michigan?


Michigan International Speedway

I'd say so.


Kansas Speedway

It's even big in Kansas now, the whole 2002 racing season is already sold out at the Kansas Speedway.

24 posted on 02/17/2002 6:23:16 AM PST by Walkin Man
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To: stainlessbanner
Any post that includes for Dummies in the title is bound to junk.

You folks are little hard on NASCAR fans. I think Yankees are just jealous b/c they did not invent the sport.

25 posted on 02/17/2002 6:23:41 AM PST by stainlessbanner
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To: BubbaJunebug
However, had you said Alabama I would have agreed whole heartedly. :)

LOL. See my # 22.

26 posted on 02/17/2002 6:24:18 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
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To: GotDangGenius
To each his own. If you don't like the sport, don't watch it. But you are not the genius you think you are when it comes to NASCAR

Sheesh, what a shame, the sport had some real potential of interest coming to it last year when they changed the aero-package to make it more competitive, but now they've blown it by going back.

Just to clear up some of you misplaced beliefs. The changes that were made for restrictor plate races was for the complete opposite reason you've spewed here. Over the last few years, no matter how good a driver was, ALL the cars would be bunched up in a pack lap after lap, after lap. Whoever won the race needed help from other drivers (via an aero push). Sure it made it exciting and the crashes were the equivilent of the special effects in a Speilberg movie, BUT IT WASN"T RACING.

This year's changes have put the race back into the hands of the drivers. Sure, if your team doesn't field a good car, you're not gonna win. But thats part of racing - getting the set-up right, and having the engine builders and crew chief get the most HP out of it, while still having it last 500 miles.

What we saw this week was that the better handling cars, and better drivers were in contention. Unlike years past, where you used no breaks and just put the peddle to the metal all the way around the track, sometimes going four wide down the track - a 20 car wreck just waiting to happen.

By the way, your rich versus poor complaint does not become you. I thought Liberals were the ones always spewing money envy. BTW, in case you haven't noticed, some of the wealthier teams have not been competitive recently. Jack Roush spends as much money, if not more, than any other team, yet Jarrett, Martin, J. Burton and Kurt Busch were horrible last year (in comparison to expectations). The new Dodge operation under Everham has unlimited money, yet they managed only one win last year. Granted, it was a start-up operation, but that proves my point, that its not necessarily money, its the operation and personnel.

Gordon lost his entire crew and crew chief a couple years ago. Hendrick Motorsports still spent the same amount of money and some. But Gordon had a couple down years until they got a team re-assembled and developed the chemistry needed to win - and he did.

So if you hate it so much, don't watch. But thats no reason to poison other peoples potential for becoming interested in the sport and learning the finer points of car set-up, pit strategy and what merely constitutes good or bad luck.

27 posted on 02/17/2002 6:26:23 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: stainlessbanner
You folks are little hard on NASCAR fans. I think Yankees are just jealous b/c they did not invent the sport.

Yankees? The only time I've ever been north of Richmond, was when I was in the military.

28 posted on 02/17/2002 6:28:25 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
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To: tubebender
and I thought you were named after a guy called Flash.

Some days, Jeff could be called Flash, others he can be called Crash (but you doesn't have to call him Johnson). I just hope for a clean race today. It should be a good one.

29 posted on 02/17/2002 6:30:19 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: Go Gordon
I'm not sure I'd like Chapter 2 :-(

I don't imagine that you would. LOL.

You aren't a Tony Stewart fan, are you?

30 posted on 02/17/2002 6:30:27 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
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To: billbears
RE #23. Thanks for setting that idiot straight.
31 posted on 02/17/2002 6:33:46 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: Walkin Man
RE #24. Look my friend, if you're gonna post a picture of a race, and you're gonna put it under post #24, please have the common decency to show Jeff Gordon leading the race. I'll let you slide this time.... :-)
32 posted on 02/17/2002 6:36:01 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
You aren't a Tony Stewart fan, are you?

Tony who?

Seriously though, I respect him most of the time, and he has a decent sense of humor most of the time, but sometimes he acts like a horse's petute. I just hope he learns to be a little more level headed out there or he's gonna kill someone, or himself.

33 posted on 02/17/2002 6:40:02 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: Go Gordon

heh heh... Hows this one?

34 posted on 02/17/2002 6:41:33 AM PST by Walkin Man
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To: Go Gordon
I just hope he learns to be a little more level headed out there or he's gonna kill someone, or himself.

I'm surprised that the powers that be haven't suspended him, or whatever it is that they do to drivers.

35 posted on 02/17/2002 6:42:53 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
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To: Walkin Man
Thats better. LOL

A checkered flag in the picture wouldn't hurt, just to prove its the end of the race. But this will suffice. Thanks....

36 posted on 02/17/2002 6:43:30 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: SamAdams76
After reading replies to the article, I would suggest reading " NASCAR for Dumb Conservatives ".
37 posted on 02/17/2002 6:44:50 AM PST by TYVets
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To: NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
I'm surprised that the powers that be haven't suspended him, or whatever it is that they do to drivers.

Last year they almost did. I think he was on some sorta double secret probation. Actually, if he had pulled another TONY after he was warned, they were gonna sit him down for a race. Since he'll be right there competing for a title this year, that would be a killer (no pun intended).

38 posted on 02/17/2002 6:45:52 AM PST by Go Gordon
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

Sorry, no Lynard, guess a Harley have to do

39 posted on 02/17/2002 6:48:03 AM PST by JZoback
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To: generalissimoduane;RonDog;Hugh Hewitt
probably for the umpteenth time - bump
40 posted on 02/17/2002 6:53:11 AM PST by d14truth
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