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HUMOR BREAK - Cows and Politics..........
David C. Osborne (Private E-mail) ^ | UNKNOWN | UNKNOWN

Posted on 01/30/2002 3:20:21 AM PST by davidosborne

I know this is an old one.. but one of my soldiers e-mailed it to me, and it made me chuckle, so I am passing it on..



Cows & Politics Explained

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: cows; davidcosborne; moohammed; spartansixdelta; youvegotmail
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To: MrNeutron1962;all
Thanks for all those contributions.. this thread is a real FReeper keeper....

David

61 posted on 06/16/2002 6:01:30 AM PDT by davidosborne
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To: I still care
I agree.....it should have read Country Club Republicans if they think it's true.

From what I know about Dems and Repubs.....Conservatives give WAY more than non-conservatives.....ala this site!

62 posted on 06/16/2002 6:03:06 AM PDT by Ann Archy
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To: C210N
Fat pig from Arkansas.
63 posted on 03/04/2003 12:24:55 PM PST by wordsofearnest
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To: JennieOsborne; /\XABN584; 10mm; 3D-JOY; 75thOVI; 5Madman; <1/1,000,000th%; 11B3; 1Peter2:16; ...
A repeat ping for an old classic that I havn't looked at in a while...

FReegards,

and SMILE !!

64 posted on 08/19/2003 12:30:09 PM PDT by davidosborne (www.davidosborne.net)
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To: davidosborne
bump
65 posted on 08/19/2003 12:32:48 PM PDT by Dubya (Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father,but by me)
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To: davidosborne
BTTT!!!!!!!Good afternoon, David. How are things in Florida?
66 posted on 08/19/2003 12:34:36 PM PDT by E.G.C.
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To: E.G.C.
I am doing well... with all the NEGATIVE in the news lately.... I thought I would try to put on a smile, and reflect on how blessed we really are to be AMERICANS...

David

67 posted on 08/19/2003 12:38:47 PM PDT by davidosborne (www.davidosborne.net)
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To: davidosborne
Serbo-Croatian Cow:


68 posted on 08/19/2003 12:52:26 PM PDT by archy (Keep in mind that the milk of human kindness comes from a beast that is both cannibal and a vampire.)
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To: davidosborne
Thanks for all those contributions.. this thread is a real FReeper keeper....

David

You may regret saying that. Cow haiku:

Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo
Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo
Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo

Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo
Moo Moo Moo Baa Moo Moo Moo
A Sheep! A Sheep! Moo

Black and white cows graze
Binary in the meadow
Supercowputer

Owl and Pussycat
at sea, in a pea green boat.
Cow on launch pad. Go!

Cow eyes hungrily
My green Ozwald Boating suit.
I sprint for the barn.

A childhood, a friend,
a cow behind the wire fence.
Now she has the toys.

I fear that one day,
there will be no more cow cards,
birthdays will be hard.

English Countryside,
How could we know it without,
Small houses, large cows.

Oh Cow, Ninja cow,
Your Covert Operations,
Frighten the Children.

69 posted on 08/19/2003 12:57:44 PM PDT by archy (Keep in mind that the milk of human kindness comes from a beast that is both cannibal and a vampire.)
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To: bentfeather

70 posted on 08/19/2003 2:12:07 PM PDT by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub (No cows are ever used in taglines)
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To: 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub

Do Purple Cows Count?
Moo, Two, Moo, moo, moo and so on!!LOL

71 posted on 08/19/2003 2:22:17 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
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To: davidosborne
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. (if there is any left)
72 posted on 08/19/2003 2:32:01 PM PDT by oyez (Do ya' think?:)
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To: davidosborne
CHRISTAN DEMOCRAT?
Thats a new one
or is it one of those oxy-democrat things like
Nice Hillary
Good Tax
Honest Clinton

73 posted on 08/19/2003 5:35:26 PM PDT by Rightly Biased (<><)
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To: davidosborne
Yes, we do need a humor break, and thank you for the chuckles!
74 posted on 08/19/2003 6:42:04 PM PDT by skr (The liberals are only interested in seeking Weapons for Bush Destruction)
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To: davidosborne
If I had a cow I would have boots made for Alex Baldwin.

I'm running for governor of California.

Weinie

75 posted on 08/19/2003 7:10:16 PM PDT by lonestar (Weinie for California Governor!)
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To: davidosborne
Bwahahahahaa.
76 posted on 08/19/2003 7:13:28 PM PDT by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin (De tal palo, tal astilla.)
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To: skr
Thanks for posting...

FReegards,

David

77 posted on 08/19/2003 9:02:16 PM PDT by davidosborne (www.davidosborne.net)
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To: davidosborne
Since someone brought out the moose, cheese and thier sister I respectfully submit


78 posted on 08/20/2003 7:24:21 AM PDT by SERE_DOC ("9 out of the 10 voices in my head told me to go home & clean my weapons!")
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To: davidosborne
And of course:


79 posted on 08/20/2003 7:27:56 AM PDT by SERE_DOC ("9 out of the 10 voices in my head told me to go home & clean my weapons!")
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To: davidosborne; politicallyincarrect; /\XABN584; 3D-JOY; 5Madman; <1/1,000,000th%; 11B3; ...

Slow news day.. Decided we all needed a humor break.. dug this one out of the archives, for a stroll down memory lane.. hope this puts a smile on your face.. as always feel free to add some of you own.

David


80 posted on 10/11/2007 1:58:49 PM PDT by davidosborne (http://DuncanHunter.meetup.com/1 - GrassRoots Organization(s) to elect Duncan Hunter)
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