Cincinnati Bengals Jokes

The Bungals had the lowest scoring offense in the entire NFL this past season. They were shut-out, point wise, in three regular season games. Don't know the NFL record for being held pointless in games, but I'm sure it has been a long time since the last NFL team managed to embarrass itself to this degree.

The Browns managed to get shut out four times in 2000, so it's not even a decade record.

The Bungles might have made up for it by being the Browns' first shutdown victim since The Resurrection. This was largely due to a play I saw happen from about 50 feet away (literally). Someone on the Bengals staff thought rolling out "Jabba the Scott" Mitchell (who moves at the speed of continental drift) towards Courtney Brown and Dwayne Rudd was a good idea on 4th and 2. o:<

But the Browns still hold "the record" so there's hope for the Bengals. Start with a billionaire owner, add top flight professionals to run the organization, and.....oops, forgot who we're talking about, didn't I?

-Eric

You don't want to get people down here started n the ticket issue (granted Browns fans are the only reason PBS is sold out).

Last I heard the Bengals sold out three games in the last two years, two of them against the Browns. Only thirteen fewer than the Browns have in that time.

I don't know if you heard of the seat license fiasco where the Bengals sold licenses to season ticket holders from Riverfront Stadium based on location, longevity, etc. and then moved people down the field (closer to the end zone) from where they thought they were purchasing. In order words, you paid $1000 for a license and ended up with seats that were in the zone that was priced for $500. My step-dad had season tickets for 30 years, paid for seats that were supposed to be between the 30 and 35 yard lines and ended up facing into the side of the end zone. Well, Mikey-Boy lost a long term season ticket holder (and the Bengals also had to settle a class action lawsuit whereby they paid all who were screwed on this little deal).

We heard all about that and none of us were suprised. It's such a Mikebrown thing to do. Kind of like giving your first round draft pick a coach airline ticket to town. Or picking someone barely worth said ticket, for that matter.

I was at the opening game at both Cleveland Browns Stadium and Paul Brown Stadium. The difference in facility preparation was night and day. I don't know if Brown hired anyone to get the stadium ready, if he did their last name must have been Brown. Al Lerner hired Lew Merletti (who was undoubtedly glad to get away from covering up Clinton's affairs) to run the stadium and security and whoever he delegated the task to knew their stuff.

The thing is, the Bengals front office reply to complaints is to say "screw you we have people to replace you" (and there is not such a clamor for season tickets).

They're being Clintonian, as they have people to replace you for one game (maybe two if they can find Steeler fans with money). They were positively solicitous to us, and they knew they were shipping the tickets to Cuyahoga County.

-Eric

Steelers games also sell out here as well. I was there for both the Browns and Steelers game last season and PBS was 65% (if not more) fans for those teams.

95% of the management of that team is Brown family (direct or by marriage). Mikey Boy firmly believes that football intelligence passes genetically. One local radio talk show used to always say that Mikey Boy was the poster boy for the term "sperm lucky".

Steelers games also sell out here as well. I was there for both the Browns and Steelers game last season and PBS was 65% (if not more) fans for those teams.

Well if you count all the Kentucky jerseys at last year's Browns game it probably hit that high. My section was probably about 80% either brown and orange or blue and white. I almost sorry for the two Bengals fans who kept turning around to try to rile up the crowd, looking at what they saw, and sitting back down. Mikey couldn't have been happy with the Browns taking Couch, as a lot of the TV outlets in Kentucky outside the 75 mile radius each team controls switched from the Bengals to the Browns.

95% of the management of that team is Brown family (direct or by marriage). Mikey Boy firmly believes that football intelligence passes genetically. One local radio talk show used to always say that Mikey Boy was the poster boy for the term "sperm lucky".

Ah the "Lucky Sperm Club", I've dealt with more than a few members in my career. Another poster child would be David modell, but he's not even LSC, he's "Lucky Mommy's Second Marriage Club".

-Eric

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