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THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!
via email | Jan. 12, 2002 | Unknown

Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade

The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!

Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.

Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.

Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.

Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.

Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.

Y'all have a nice day!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: dixie; thesouth
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To: Pharmboy
Light Horse Harry Lee is a relative of mine.
361 posted on 01/14/2002 4:23:16 PM PST by jslade
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To: sweetliberty
Not sure on the date either, my mother is from Kentucky, and I was raised in Virginia, so I got Virginia history from both sides, LOL
362 posted on 01/14/2002 4:28:49 PM PST by HapHaszard
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To: Cernunnos
LOL! I have an appointment tomorrow at the "Curl Up & Dye". hahahahahahahahaha
363 posted on 01/14/2002 4:31:14 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Nate505
"I live in Colorado, and couldn't imagine living anywhere else."

Have you ever lived anywhere else? I lived in Colorado more years than I care to remember and thought it was an awful place to live. The climate is horrible and the total lack of manners prevalent there was something I was completely unable to adapt to. If you practiced southern hospitality people suspected ulterior motives. Maybe its just one of those things..."you can take the girl out of the south but you can't take the south out of the girl." I am thankful to be back where barbecue is pork, tea is sweet and people talk right and are actually civil to strangers. Most folks go to church and filthy language is NOT the norm.

I'm not saying there aren't good people in Colorado because certainly there are. But in my experience they are the exception.

364 posted on 01/14/2002 4:40:00 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: HapHaszard
"my mother is from Kentucky, and I was raised in Virginia"

Whereabouts? I grew up in Virginia too, and part of the time in Kentucky. My mama was from Chesterfield County, my daddy from Pulaski county in Kentucky.

365 posted on 01/14/2002 4:47:23 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: dasboot
"who determined her personality type to be "problematic colonic-moronic".

LOL!! Kinda reminds me of a joke about about how you have to make your butt pucker to say some northern words. Kinda that whole uptight thing.

366 posted on 01/14/2002 5:24:35 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: Middle Man
"he just stared at it like it was a moon rock."

ROTFLMBO!!!! OH NO!! Too funny!!! LOL!!

367 posted on 01/14/2002 5:27:56 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: lowbridge
No joke...I was in a Cracker Barrel this very night and the people behind me asked the waitress (who's name was Kim) where the Waffle House was!
368 posted on 01/14/2002 5:32:18 PM PST by katiebelle
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To: Dan from Michigan
John Kerry is a hard core left winger(ADA rating 95%)who is going to run for president as a CONSERVATIVE!! See what I mean about Boston??

Southerner)Kerry you stay out de sou, if y'all show up heah, I puts my foot up yo ahhhhh
369 posted on 01/14/2002 5:37:41 PM PST by 1 FELLOW FREEPER
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To: 4TheFlag
those cars going by so fast just sucked the wind out of you,

When they come towards you, you can just hear the wind on the front of the car, like a glider, hardly any sound. Whey they go by you however, and around the turn, those 850 twinturbo HP just about knock you down.

Notice you can't read the lettering on a moving CART car?

370 posted on 01/14/2002 6:05:16 PM PST by ROCKLOBSTER
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To: falfa
Bless your heart = It sucks to be you

I was told; Bless his heart = What an idiot.

371 posted on 01/14/2002 6:09:16 PM PST by ROCKLOBSTER
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To: ROCKLOBSTER
Notice you can't read the lettering on a CART car

There's lettering on them????

372 posted on 01/14/2002 6:27:21 PM PST by 4TheFlag
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To: Nate505,sweetliberty
You can KEEP colorado as far as I am concerned to damb many people, RUDE, NO THANKS............
373 posted on 01/14/2002 6:36:18 PM PST by 4TheFlag
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To: 4TheFlag
At the last CART Indy race, the then new "Mercedes" engine was producing 240 MPH in the backstretch.

They may be even badder now (unless they've limited boost.)

374 posted on 01/14/2002 6:38:35 PM PST by ROCKLOBSTER
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To: 4TheFlag
"You can KEEP colorado as far as I am concerned to damb many people, RUDE, NO THANKS............"

Brief, direct and to the point. My sentiments too.

375 posted on 01/14/2002 6:39:14 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: 4TheFlag
I just saw that Viagra commercial again on FNC with Mark Martin smiling broadly and the announcer proclaiming "Get into the driver's seat".

Disgusting.

376 posted on 01/14/2002 6:45:22 PM PST by ROCKLOBSTER
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To: jslade
I am impressed; but if he is, than Robt. E. Lee is also. Do you know how Light Horse Harry died? Or his famous quote on General Washington's death? Pretty interesting character. A man of honor.
377 posted on 01/14/2002 6:51:44 PM PST by Pharmboy
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To: Dixielander
Boy, that is the truth! I never get enough ice in PA!!!! lol
378 posted on 01/14/2002 6:56:43 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: ROCKLOBSTER;sweetliberty,Snow Bunny;68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub
Out of the short chute and into turn 4 and down the straightaway, go for it Guy!!!!

Hey, if ya'll haven't done so yet,you need you to visit the USO Canteen FReeper Style , up to date "from the FRONT" news and can send OUR TRoops a message of SUPPORT from home, plus, we have a mascot, a big old loveable Lug St. Bernard that is, well, a BIG LUG......

Hope to see ya there....

Tonk, maybe some magic here Brother???

379 posted on 01/14/2002 7:00:26 PM PST by 4TheFlag
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Comment #380 Removed by Moderator


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