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THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!
via email | Jan. 12, 2002 | Unknown

Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade

The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!

Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.

Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.

Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.

Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.

Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.

Y'all have a nice day!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: dixie; thesouth
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To: jslade
Brother Dave, the celestial mechanic.
341 posted on 01/14/2002 2:52:32 PM PST by HapHaszard
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To: nopardons
"This has been OVERPOSTED at FR, and wasn't worth it the first 1/2 dozen times"


342 posted on 01/14/2002 2:53:21 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: xcon
I don't believe I've ever distroted what others are saying but you're welcome to your opinions. The three years comment was just to let you know I've been here along time and am not going anywhere unless Jim bans me again.
343 posted on 01/14/2002 2:56:09 PM PST by Demidog
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Comment #344 Removed by Moderator

To: xcon
What in the world is eating at you? I live in Texas for God's sake and take pride in the fact that I live on 40 acres and kill things for dinner.
345 posted on 01/14/2002 3:08:38 PM PST by Demidog
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To: proudofthesouth
this yankee knows hush puppy's are shoes.........
346 posted on 01/14/2002 3:11:44 PM PST by angcat
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Comment #347 Removed by Moderator

To: The Duke
"As my buddies started to circle and prepared to deliver to me an "ass whopping" I clarified..."Bussin' 'em up side tha head!"

OMG that's funny! I remember those days. Felt kinda sorry for the 2 little "colored boys" that were the first in our school after the civil rights bill passed. Everybody knew there was gonna be an a** whupping. It was just a question of who was gonna do it. After that mandatory a** whuppin' though, things were pretty peaceful.

348 posted on 01/14/2002 3:16:15 PM PST by sweetliberty
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Comment #349 Removed by Moderator

To: 4TheFlag
my first experience with northern bbq was in Binghamton, NY. I got a pig bbq sandwich, it was cold pork with some kind of sauce poured on it. Never again.
350 posted on 01/14/2002 3:32:55 PM PST by HapHaszard
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To: buccaneer81
"If only more Southerners would head north, we'd have a much more civilized North."

Now why, in heaven's name would any self respecting southerner want to do that. A lot of us have done our time out of the south and are thankful to be home.

351 posted on 01/14/2002 3:33:15 PM PST by sweetliberty
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Comment #352 Removed by Moderator

To: sweetliberty
Actually at the time of Lincoln's birth it was Kentucky county, Virginia. ;)
353 posted on 01/14/2002 3:42:00 PM PST by HapHaszard
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To: nopardons
C'mon nopes, you've been invading Southern threads to dump on Southerners ever since I've been here. We've been under invasion down here from the northern states for quite awhile. You bet there are hard feelings. Also, we were gulled into supporting the GOP and we're totally shut out of party policy making while being derided as hicks and inbred idiots.

You're wrong in saying that northerners don't come onto Southern threads talking trash. It happens on every single thread where we try to discuss Southern heritage issues. There is a group of Lincoln worshipping idiots who turn every discussion of Southern cultural issues into a slam fest.

If you don't like these threads, you have a funny way of showing it. if you didn't like this kind of topic, you would stay away. I think you get drunk and vent your spleen here.

354 posted on 01/14/2002 3:45:56 PM PST by Twodees
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To: 1 FELLOW FREEPER
"Bostonians are BORN with the need to have their asses kicked"

Now THAT is funny!

355 posted on 01/14/2002 3:50:57 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: HapHaszard
Still the south. I forget what year Kentucky and Virginia became separate. My mama was from Virginia and my daddy from Kentucky so in my geneological research I have encountered that issue, but it was awhile back.
356 posted on 01/14/2002 3:55:05 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: 4TheFlag
I believe it might have been Rapid City.
357 posted on 01/14/2002 3:58:00 PM PST by sweetliberty
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To: sweetliberty
The best pizza I ever had was in Pineville, North Carolina at PizZarrelli on 51. The owner is from Naples via NYC and he got three Italian masons to build him a domed wood burning oven. The pizza though, was made by an old Tarheel boy who had perfected the dough and sauce with the help of the boss.

It's amazing to see the coals raked to one side of the oven, the hearth swept with a corn broom, and a huge pizza baked to perfection in about 6 minutes. I've had pizza in NYC that was terrible, pizza in Rhode Island that was very good, and pizza in Pineville that was outstanding. Good pizza is probably easier to find in NYC, but it isn't completely missing in the South either.

358 posted on 01/14/2002 4:00:37 PM PST by Twodees
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To: gusfortyfiveseventy
I spent 10 years in a small town in New York state, called Owego. I was really suprised when we moved up there that the people were so nice. It was friendly as any southern town I have lived in. The only major difference between Owego, and a small southern town was that the statue in the town square was a yankee soldier, and the snow. I was not pleased after the first time with snow.
359 posted on 01/14/2002 4:08:21 PM PST by HapHaszard
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To: nopardons
It's ONLY Southern FREEPERS, who continually post derrogatory things, about others. HOOF!

I'm from Massachusetts; apparently YOU have LITTLE knowledge about THAT! HARUMPH!

360 posted on 01/14/2002 4:22:38 PM PST by dasboot
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