THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!

via email | Jan. 12, 2002 | Unknown

[Gumlegs]

Shucks.

[rockfish59]

das a big 'ol rifle with a slug to knock down buffalo!

[COB1]

"Pull up a cheer and sit a spell."

Don' mind if I do, little lady, 'n I'll tell ya a true story to boot:

On a drilling project in Borneo, I had a Texas lad and several Aussies working on the crew.
One day in the mess hall the Texas boy was reminiscing about his daddy's ranch back home:

"Ya know, at this time of year at home we'd be a-pollin' the cows."
One of the Aussies bit immediately.
"What do ya mean, mate, 'polling the cows?'"
Texas lad: "Wul, in the spring when tha peaches git ripe, we stick these poles up the cows' a** 'n hold 'em up there so they kin eat tha peaches. Makes 'em fat!" Dead silence!!

[Red Jones]

THere is a culture and nation named America. And there are American citizens. It takes generations for people to be identified as American. Perhaps i exaggerated to make that point.

[MissAmericanPie]

ROFLOL, that was a Texan alright. You havn't lived till you have been cow tippin either.

[COB1]

"You havn't lived till you have been cow tippin either."

HAHAHAHA!!
Aw rat, Texins!
Tell us whut she's a-talkin' 'bout!

[Gamecock]

RIP

Verily, Putteth Not Sugar into Ye Corn Bread

I can pride myself on two recent, major accomplishments. Both have to do with my fondness
for down-home Southern cooking. I favor down-home Southern cooking because I am from a down-home
Southern home. That, and it tastes good.

I want my chicken fried, gravy on my steak, and I want my green beans cooked and my tomatoes served raw. Too many fancy restaurants serve their green beans raw and then they cook their tomatoes---and give you some sort of hard dark bread with it. This is an unholy aberration I cannot abide.

I find some of the best down-home Southern cooking at the Luckie Street Grill in Atlanta, which features fried chicken, country-fried steak, meatloaf and, on Fridays, beef tips on rice and home-cooked vegetables---and uncooked tomatoes, of course. Imagine my shock however, when I went to order my vegetables one day and the list on the menu included 'Northern beans.'

"There must be some mistake," I said to my favorite waitress, Jo.

"This says 'Northern beans'." How can you list Northern beans in a down-home Southern cooking place?"

"What do you call them?" asked Jo.

"White soup beans, of course," I answered.

My mother used to cook white soup beans for me.

It's a little-known fact, but when Jesus fed the masses he served white soup beans with the fish and bread. "Northern" beans aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

Jo said, "I'll see what I can do."

I come in a week later and it says "White soup beans" on the Luckie Street menu. Praise Him.

That was accomplishment No. 1.

Where else I often eat is at the Ansley Golf Club in Atlanta, which has good chili.

Chili is down-home as long as you don't put mushrooms in it. They serve corn bread with the down-home chili at Ansley. The problem is, the corn bread is sweet. Corn bread is not supposed to be sweet. That's in the Bible, too. The book of Martha White, 7:11.

If you want something sweet, order the pound cake. Anybody who puts sugar in the corn bread is a heathen who doesn't love the Lord, not to mention Southeastern Conference football.

Anyway, in late December I went to Ansley and ordered the chili.

"You ought to try the corn bread," said the waiter. "The chef got tired of you complaining, so he quit putting sugar in it."

I tasted the corn bread. No sugar. I called out the chef.

"Verily," I said unto him, "it's about time you stopped making a sacrilege out of corn bread."

Accomplishment No. 2.

I feel so good about my two feats, I've got two new targets for next year.

I'm going to see if I can convince fast food places to start cutting up their own french fries instead of using frozen ones, and I'm going to see if I can help white bread make a comeback in this country.

Do not underestimate me. I'm on a mission from God.

[COB1]

LOLOL!
My favorite of all time was his description of going to the evangelists gathering and "stomping the hell and guts out of them snakes."
Dear Lord, we lost a gem in Lewis Grizzard!
Like you said:
RIP

[nopardons]

Naaaaaaaaaaaaw... it's his IQ spread.

[jslade]

One of my favorite Brother Dave bits: "okra and tomato sandwichs.......you have to lift and eat fast lest it fall through the crust".

[Ditter]

You are sure right about the tailgateing in Michigan, (other states up that way too) They will tailgate for miles, no matter what speed you drive but they won't pass you, even when its easy. I passed a whole line of cars tailgateing each other & car #1 had its nose up the back of a gasoline truck.

[gusfortyfiveseventy]

A 45-70 caliber rifle, which by the way has been around for 156 years, will shoot a 405 grain bullet in excess of 2000 feet/second. So if you run you will die tired and sweaty.

The south has a uniqueness that you can find anywhere in any American small town be it Tonnawando New York or Abilene, Kansas. We are taught from birth to be polite and respectful of other peoples opinions. We are also taught that you must defend your family, your state, your country and your heritage.

I have seen yankees pay five dollars for a boll of cotton in a plastic bag at the slave market in Charleston and seen friends shucked and jived out of twenty dollars by three card monty on a New York street corner.

Lewis, a great American, Grizzard poked fun at these stereotypes in a warm and gentle manner. I hope that I could do the same. The South you remember is still out there sleeping. You can get pork pig sandwiches and a cold beer and go looking for it. It may surprise you at being right around the next bend in the road.

Damn right we are proud of our southern heritage but even one of my heroes, Theodore Roosevelt, who was a New England Yankee had a southern mother. He was the first man to have a black man dine in the Whitehouse, Booker T Washington and was criticised sharply By Pitchfork Ben Tillman and other regional politicians.

We are Humans first, Americans second, and Southerners third. It is in our manners, our way of dress, and our speech you cannot and should not try to make us conform but should help each other celebrate our similarity and diversity.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

[nopardons]

I don't give a flying whatever , about how you feel about the South. Love it, hate it, be happy wherever you are. What I thoroughly object to, is the CONSTANT harranging, by some Southern FREEPERS, about how EVERYONE , who isn't a Southerner is garbage. That xenophobic / regonalistic hubris, is deplorable !

People, from all over the country, are taught to be polite, civil, and to have good manners ! This is NOT specific to only people born south of the Mason Dixon line. It is also NOT evident, at all, from the "SOUTHERN THREADS ", on FR, that Southerners have any manners at all.

Teddy Roosevelt, was NOT a " New Englander "; BTW. He was a New Yorker, and the last time I looked, New York was NOT a part of the New England states; which are Maine, N.H., Vt., Mass., Conn., and R.I. ! His boyhood home,is in Manhattan, just off Gramarcy Park, on East 20th Street. His adult, summer home, Sagamore Hill, is on Long Island; which is also part of New York State ! I have been to both of these homes ; have YOU ? I actually loved very near his boyhood brownstone, and came upon i quite by accident, while out for a walk with my husband, many years ago. It has a loveyly plaque on the front of the house, proclaiming it to be a National Landmark.

Before becoming president, he was the President of New York City Board of Police Commissioners , a member of the N.Y. State Assembly, Govenor of N.Y. , and Vice President if the USA.

He is buried in Young's Memorial Cemitary, in Oyster Bay , Long Island, N.Y. ! If his first wife was from the South, she didn't live long enough to have that much influence on him , as she died , the same day his mother did; which devistated him. His second wife, was one of his childhood playmates ; another New Yorker.

Teddy was my grandfather's favorite president , so besides what I learned about him in school, I also got to hear a first hand account about him, at home.

FR is no place to make incorrect statements. Someone is ALWAYS going to point out your error to you, and I was absolutely THE wrong person for you to post what you did, to . LOL

[Nate505]

Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

I'm betting it's rather easy to confuse a Waffle House cook...

[Nate505]

I miss the south alot and hope to get out of the LEFT COAST CALIF before it's too late! Thanks for the post.

Why haven't you got out of the left coast?

[maxwell]

Do you know why they don't sweeten their tea in Virginia?

It's cause we're rough 'n tough and we don't need no pansy-assed sweeteners in our tea, that's why.

[Nate505]

I really liked this one. Who would want to live in the north? I know it's a nice place for visiting.

What is the north anyway? I live in Colorado, and couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

[Pharmboy]

Interesting post. Tribalism lives, even on FR.

Best,
PB

[Twodees]

You forgot one:

If you know folks whose surnames have three words, and you also know which direction to look when they point with their lips. ;-)

(think Standing Rock)

[Twodees]

We have our version of scrapple. We call it livermush or liver pudding. It's the same thing, basically, just made with a little more liver which gives it a darker color. I enjoyed scrapple when I first encountered it in Pennsylvania.