Yes, I was serious about the Nation of Islam thing. I most certainly was. I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour at the age of 23. My late teens and very early 20's were my "Malcolm X" stage. It can be rightly said that I didn't care for white people very much then. I used to be ashamed to say that, but I'm not ashamed to admit this anymore. Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson has written similar things about his life.
What can I say? I was young and full of it.
Now, I've never been one who used drugs. Marijuana made me both sleepy and hungry, so I didn't see what all the fuss was about or how you could have fun using it. I witnessed junkies in East Cleveland who shot up at the bus stop. I saw the effects of freebase, heroin, and crack. My father always said that if you want to know what drugs will do to you, just watch someone who uses them. I drank then, but was never an alcoholic.
I tell you all this to demonstrate that I was under no narcotic or prescribed medication when this happened. I was not hallucinating. I didn't say that I "saw" Him. He spoke to me, and told me who He was which lined up squarely with what His Word says. I didn't know much about the Bible, so how was I to know? But this is what He did.
It was because of Him that I realized my dislike for white people was pure evil. He showed me that this was not His way.
And I've never looked at white people with evil in my eyes again. Why? Because He did what no one else could do: change my heart.
You say that He won't reveal Himself to you because He doesn't exist. My friend, His creation speaks to his existence. But I cannot force you to "see" Him. This is up to you.
I hope that you will one day come to a full revelation of Christ. Until then, stay safe my friend. We may disagree, but I don't hold anything against you.