I am one of the evil women some of you have been talking about here. Several years ago I walked away from a 15 year marriage and took my children with me. I had some damned good reasons for doing it.
The first 5 years of our marriage were wonderful. We lived in the same town where we met and hung out with the same friends. Then he changed jobs and we moved to another state. I made an effort to make friends in our new home. He did not. He told me I was the only friend he needed.
Then our first baby was born. A girl. He couldn't understand why babies had to cry so much or why I was frequently too tired for sex.
The year our son was born he decided he wasn't going to celebrate holidays anymore because they were "tribal rituals" and ordered me to call both of our families and tell them we're not having Christmas at our house and to not bother sending us any presents, not even for our 5 year old daughter. I told him if he felt that way he was free to spend the holidays elsewhere, but the kids and I were having Christmas. He backed down, but the attitude lingered.
I tried homeschooling our daughter. Almost daily my husband complained that somebody with my education and skills ought to be out contributing to the family income, not staying home "playing" with children.
So, I went out and got a job. Now the complaint was that I wasn't home enough and the house wasn't clean. When I suggested hiring a maid service he refused to even consider the idea even if the money for it came directly out of my paycheck on the grounds it would be a "reward" for my laziness. I was not supposed to see friends in the evenings or on weekends as that was family time and any socialization I needed I could get at work. I also could not attend Open House and other school events with the children because "schools ought not ask that of parents".
He had a gun. A pistol from the 1940's, a family heirloom that had belonged to his grandfather. Sometimes, when he was in an especially dark mood, he would take the gun from its hiding place inside the coat closet, load it, then wave it around exclaiming it was our only protection against all the evil in world. He never threatened either me or the kids with it, but I was terrified of what he might do.
The final nail was pounded into the coffin of our marriage when I discovered he was taking the children on outings with women he met in sex chat rooms on the Internet. He told the kids the ladies were friends from the office.
I filed for divorce the next day. It took three months and a court order to get him out of the house. He moved to a community an hour away. He asked for joint custody of the kids, but I would not even consider it. I thought he would fight me on it, but he didn't.
On January 1, 2001 he married one of his Internet babes. By August he had quit his job and was taking anti-depressants. On November 28, 2001, just days after spending the Thanksgiving holidays with our children, he took that family heirloom I mentioned earlier and blew his brains out in front of his new wife and stepson. When I heard the news I got down on my knees and thanked God he wasn't in my house or around my children when he did it.
No one wants guys like that to get custody.
No one wants women like Andrea Yates to get custody.
Rather, only, that where both parents are good people, there be parity without bias.
Sorry to hear about your situation, hope your family prospers over time.