Posted on 12/14/2001 3:21:12 PM PST by Dr. Octagon
This is such a cop-out!
Under advocate law, the lawyer takes a side. As a result, the lawyer is concerned only about the advantage the lawyer's client walks away with. There is no room in this ethic to be concerned about the overall well-being of what used to be a family. And that's why there are too many lawyers.
If they are so charged, then they must bear responsibility for fulfilling that charge.
See?
I agree. Have you heard about some of the worst things they're doing?
Any suggestions for improving the system?
It was my local place, hi-end, (not me),3 driveways from home.
After they filled my ear of their "Divorce" escapades----------I asked them, "Why is it that women divorce, and enjoy it so?"
""It's easy they said!""----------NO S#$T-I thought.
I had ordered 3 rounds for both of them and myself. Listening to their bashing on one problem or another.
I left, AND LEFT THEM WITH THE TAB.
The next day the bartender and I had a great look at the video of How "easy it was"
That said, I have found that a great deal of our society curently places great value on deception. What was once makeup or a little lipstick has grown into an industry of enhancement, liposuction, rhinoplasty, orthadonture, collagen treatment. Superficial deception has become the norm, and with it, the bar has been lowered for deception on other levels as well.
Neither of my first two spouses were honest with me, nor could they be, I realize in retrospect, simply because they were incapable of being honest with themselves.
After my second divorce, I took a few years to root and dig, not only for the causes of those marriages failure in my ex wives, but in myself as well. There are few who made no mistakes, who did nothing wrong. I know where I failed, but even if I had not, a marriage takes, on occasion, the concerted effort and will of both parties. In the absence of that, the marriage will fail.
Neither were raving knockouts, in fact, both were rather plain. I failed to discern the 'early warning signs of marital incompatibility' in both cases.
For the benefit of others, those early warning signs:
1) Credibility: Do they make a habit of saying one thing and doing another? Does the story change? Are there significant inconsistencies in their descriptions of past events? How much of their past is polished to make them look better? to make others look worse?
2) What is their attitude toward their ex-spouse (in my age group, that is there in most cases)? Why? Is it justified, or is it a rationalization? (NOTE: this one is tricky, guys, a lot of guys/girls seem one way around 'the guys/girls' but are another critter around--or to a person of the opposite sex.
3) What are their priorities? List them by time/money spent. Do they have any incompatible compulsive behaviors?
4) Where are their kids? Do they put the children ahead of you when the children need it? All of the time? Never? Are the kids in trouble? For what, where? What attitude do their children have toward them? Why? Are the children trotted out for show and then sequestered or are they active participants in the developing realtionship? Are they being used to bait the hook? Do they denigrate their ex in front of the kids?
5)How do they treat the hired help, or other people of the same/opposite sex who know you? Shoddy treatment of undeserving waitresses, clerks, etc. shows a lack of civility which may run deeper than those they consider inferior. What are they saying about you behind your back? Are they blatantly two-faced in thier dealings with others? Do they leave a decent tip or protest when you do? Do they feel threatened by your few close friends--or do they get along well?
6)Are they scrupulously honest? Lying about little things indicates a tendency to bend the truth when convenient. Small dishonesties lead to greater ones. This comes with a caveat: Don't ask the question if you do not want to know the answer. Most of the past's details belong there.
7)Can they be genuinely happy for someone else's triumphs or good fortune? Even if they were competing for the same thing (like a promotion?)What will their attitude be if you do well? Vice versa?
8) Will they tell when they think you are wrong? Right? Will they admit, gracefully to an error? (Can you?)
9) Do you have common and differing interests. One provides a basis for discussion, the other provides room to learn and grow.
10)Are your political/religious/philosophical beliefs compatible? Not can you 'bring them around?', but compatible now.
Put all of this in the context of an impending relationship, and many will not get far past the first date. Aside from a few physical parameters, the essence of good sex is communication, and that can/will (perhaps) come later. As you get older, that loses some of its urgent priority anyway, other factors take precedence.
Yes.
Are you and Medved the only right guys in Seattle? :o)
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