Ann Coulter: When Johnny comes slinking home

WorldNetDaily ^ | 12/12/2001 | Ann Coulter

[Mr. K]

GOD I love this woman's brain (as much as the other physical 'attributes') and that is saying a lot!

[white rose]

In his hometown of Fairfax, Calif.,

Well now. This explains quite a lot to me. I lived in Fairfax myself when I was a little kid. It's one of the lovliest-looking little towns on earth, and I was quite happy there (other than one memorable incident involving poison oak,) but even back when I was merely White Bud, I realized Fairfax was quite possibly the Whack-Job Capital of the World. Oh, take it from me, gang--Johnny Abdul is undoubtedly considered future President material over Fairfax way.

[Abn1508]

Actually, what's running through my mind is the fact that Ann Coulter _is_ a published columnist...and as far as I know "ConsistentLibertarian" is not. Certainly not a nationally known one.

There are two aspects to that. One, something that professional writers learn very quickly, is that language is much more fluid than grammarians can ever comprehend. Rarely can one capture the heart through precise grammar. On the other hand, you can strike to the soul without. Call it "authorial license" if you whist. Good editors, that is editors who have been in the business for more than a week minimum, learn that. Those who don't either get booted over to editing technical manuals or kill the business.

The second is that it's not worth trying to please the people who analyze every sentence. Never get in a spittin' contest with a skunk.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

Oh, come on. So you went to all the trouble to tell everyone you do this for a living and then you lost the argument. Don't be so grumpy. Next time you can say "big deal" early on and you won't stuck defending a bad position.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

"Never get in a spittin' contest with a skunk." You must have met my momma.

[X-Servative]

I actually hear CBS Radio refer to him as "former Taliban."

[M. Thatcher]

What is it about "scrofulous left-wing poltroon" that you don't understand?

[Longfella]

THIS is Coulter's EDITED column w/ edited 4th graph...

PS- She will be on w/ BRIAN WILSON on KSFO at 8pm Pacific TONITE!

UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE Ann Coulter Title: When Johnny Comes Slinking Home December 11, 2001

We can only hope the government will deal with California Talibanist John Walker as harshly as it did with Elian Gonzalez.

Encouraged by his indulgent liberal boomer parents to find his own spiritual path, Walker responded predictably and quickly became a walking left-wing cliche. The one spiritual path it is absolutely positively certain Walker could never have chosen is one founded in Scripture.

In his hometown of Fairfax, CA, the conventional spiritual paths include Taoism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Sufism, Rastafarianism, Native American spirituality, and voodoo. But according to the Boston Globe, “only 12 percent of residents attend traditional churches or synagogues.”

Walker’s mother left Christianity to become a Buddhist. At his “alternative” school Walker was steeped in Native American spirituality. He was named after John Lennon. If there were a goofy cult that deified cheese doodles, liberals would ponder its deeper meaning and treat it with respect. The only thing John Walker could have done to shock the neighbors would have been to take off and follow Bob Jones.

Alas, Walker was no nonconformist. It was “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” that shook him to the core at age 16, persuading him to become a Muslim.

Has anyone read “The Autobiography of Malcolm X”? Here’s a passage in which Mr. X describes his own education in Islam as taught by his brother, Reginald , whose “approach was so effective”:

"The white man is the devil."
He told me that all whites knew they were devils—"especially Masons." . . .
I said, "Without any exception?"
"Without any exception."
"What about Hymie?"
"What is it if I let you make five hundred dollars to let me make ten thousand?"
After Reginald left, I thought. I thought. Thought.

Yes, that is something to think about. (I always knew there was something funny about those Masons.) This was the turning point in Walker’s spiritual journey.

He became a Muslim and ended up fighting with the Taliban against America. (Maybe this conflict does have something to do with Islam.) While studying at an Islamic school in Pakistan, he said he met “many people connected with the Taliban" and his “heart became attached to that." The Taliban may execute people for sport, blow up thousand year old Buddhist statues, treat women like goats (and vice versa)-- but at least they aren’t sneaky Luciferian Masons!

With the deep grounding he found in Islam, Walker couldn’t even settle on a name for himself. He called himself variously “Sulayman Al-Lindh,” “Sulayman Faris,” and -- his nom de jihad -- "Abdul Hamid." (So it’s not quite accurate to say -- as various news outlets do -- that he “ goes by his mother's last name.” He goes by a lot of names, none of them “Walker.”)

Now there’s the question of what to do with this perfect fruition of phony left wing nonjudgmentalism.

Since the government that stole Abdul’s heart is not a signatory to the Geneva Convention, he could be shot. But the government he was fighting against is too nice to do that. America abides by the Geneva Convention even in conflicts with belligerents who do not. (It comes with the territory of being the Great Satan.) Consequently, if Abdul is treated simply as a POW, he is entitled to be repatriated when the war is over.

He could also be tried for treason. As defined in the Constitution, treason consists of “levying War against” the United States, “adhering” to America’s enemies or giving them “Aid and Comfort.” Taking up arms against the United States on the side of the Taliban is, as the movie title says, “as good as it gets.”

Though the Constitution requires only “two witnesses to the same overt Act” for a treason conviction, thanks to the miracle of T.V., there are millions of witnesses to Abdul’s treason.

Indeed, it appears that Abdul’s only defense to treason -- apart from the Ezra Pound insanity defense -- is to claim that he has already renounced his U.S. citizenship. He has certainly committed one of the predicate acts for a loss of citizenship under federal law by “entering, or serving in, the armed forces of a foreign state . . . engaged in hostilities against the United States.” The law also requires him to prove, however, that he did so “with the intention of relinquishing United States nationality.” There is scant evidence for that.

The only downside to a trial in the United States is that it would be a trial in the United States. It’s interesting that wide swaths of the public instantly warm to the idea of any proceeding for suspected terrorists and traitors -- other than a criminal trial. All you have to do is invoke the name “O.J.”

A win-win solution might be to turn Abdul over to the justice system of the natives. Abdul was a prisoner during the uprising in which CIA agent Michael Spann was killed. Having laid down their arms, the mutinous prisoners are not protected under the Geneva Convention. If Abdul participated in the uprising, he may have violated Afghan criminal law.

The new Afghan government is likely not to be so punctilious about evidence and procedure as the Great Satan is. But at least Abdul could rest assured that there would be absolutely no Masons on the jury.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

I've never heard of the word "scrofulous". Sounds like the kind of word people use when they want to impress. I know you're mad. I wasn't out to embarass you. I tried to gently steer you in another direction. I'm going to go have a drink. I hope you have a fun night. Be nimble. Go wild.

[No Truce With Kings]

I've never heard of the word "scrofulous". Sounds like the kind of word people use when they want to impress.

I've heard the word before. Many times. You must have a very limited vocabulary. But it does describe you. Perfectly.

[ikanakattara]

If you have scrofula then you can be said to be "scrofulous." It's not exactly a compliment.

[Slapper]

Didn`t Malcolm X eventually come to the conclusion that what he had been taught was bollocks?

[xm177e2]

Yes. And only after he renounced militant black separatism did Martin Luther King stand next to him, for that famous photograph.

[185JHP]

The Nation of Islam contrary to orthodox Islam? You mean like saying the white race was created in a lab to be servants, but a mistake was made, and whites were made a lttle too clever?

[SuziQ]

This seems to be saying that the only way one would choose the correct religion is if one is forced into it. That doesn't speak well for the correct religion.

No, I think she meant that in the town in which Johnny Taliban was reared, it was RARE to find any Christian churches or Jewish Synagogues. It would have been much easier for him attend services for one of the 'alternative' beliefs. And being a conformist to non-conformity like many Californians, he gravitated to one of those beliefs approved by the other non-conformists. Ah yes, diverstiy of thought is a wonderful thing, is it not?

[MissAmericanPie]

She is the swiftest blade in the USofA,

"We can only hope the government will deal with California Talibanist John Walker as harsly as it did with Elian Gonzalez."

and she cuts real deep with it too. (snick)

[lafroste]

You clearly need an editor. I am one by trade. At your service.

Do you know any literary agents willing to entertain an unknown work?

[omegatoo]

"his nom de jihad"
Ann always cracks me up!
O2

[Taliesan]

Big deal.

Everybody understood it but you.

[M. Thatcher]

Do you know any literary agents willing to entertain an unknown work?

What kind of "work"? If you mean a book manuscript, you can deal directly with publishers. Agents typically won't take unpublished writers and you don't need one to get a read at a typical publishing house. Buy (or borrow from the library) this year's Writer's Market for addresses & other info before sending out your ms.