Osama Bin Laden: "Everyone does it. It will cut Medicare. It's the economy, stupid. We should all just take a deep breath. There is no controlling legal authority. I don't recall. Republicans are being partisan. It's my private life. Anyways, the stock market is doing well. It's a risky tax scheme. We should just put this past us. It will blow a hole in the budget. Ken Starr is an out-of-control prosecutor. I was on hold for nine minutes; I never talked to anyone. America is too sophisticated for that. We have forgiven him. This is the ninties, anyways. You are being mean-spirited. Republicans do it too! It's all part of a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. I lied to my diary. Four years and Forty Million Dollars! I don't have a specific recollection. We're going to WAR, Larry! WAR! There is no credible evidence of any illegal activity by any covered person. Can't we just move on? He was traumatized as a child. But that's not what's important here. There are Islam Haters who will stop at nothing. There's no evidence of that. You're just overreacting. Maybe the Secret Service Log was wrong and I wasn't really at the White House the whole time. So what? It's the Dow Jones, not Paula Jones. It’s all about SEX, SEX, SEX! I can think of worse things. I mean, look at the "economy". You don't want to mess with that do you? Senator, there is no one who would have rather found that note than me. Give me a break, guys. It’s for the CHILDREN. I have run the most ethical administration in our nations history."