Posted on 12/05/2001 11:50:42 AM PST by gdani
The Cruelest Cut: Man With Amputated Penis Wins Big By=ucks in Court
by Kevin Hoffman
Published December 5 -11, 2001
No two words command attention quite so much as "penis amputation." I saw them together for the first time in the headline of a press release faxed this week by Ohio Lawyers Weekly, a trade publication for the state’s legal community: "Man Gets $6.5 Million Settlement For Penis Amputation."
The man in question had his penis amputated after his cancer went undiagnosed for 13 years. He had first visited a doctor in 1984 complaining of painful erections but was told he had a condition, non-life-threatening, that causes the penis to curve up or down. In 1997, he discovered he actually had cancer and had to have his penis cut off.
Hungry for more information (if not for lunch), I called J.P. Finet, the author of the Lawyers Weekly article. He seemed like a nervous fellow, but it may have been the subject matter; when you’re talking about an amputated penis, almost everything you say becomes a double-entendre. Take, for example, this sample bit of our conversation:
Me: "I know it was big, but was it unusually large?"
Finet: "It probably was unusually large, given the injuries."
We were talking about the size of the settlement.
Did the length of the man’s member have anything to do with the large monetary award? Finet said that award may have been significantly smaller if, say, the man’s left hand had been amputated, and that the amputated penis may have been one reason the hospital was willing to settle. "You don’t want to be getting this before a jury, especially a jury with some men in it."
Unfortunately, the out-of-court settlement and a confidentiality agreement protect the identity of the hospital, so there’s no way to know whether my HMO is sending me to the penis butchers or not. Maybe I could have tricked J. Michael Monteleone, the attorney for the man who lost his penis, into revealing the hospital’s name, but he didn’t return my phone call. He was quoted in the daily paper, however, saying something that should never appear in an article about penises, amputated or otherwise.
In describing how the malpractice happened, Monteleone said it "was a question of the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing."
Ouch.
Is there a weird, symbiotic relationship between butt crack and amputated johnsons....?
You have to understand that to a lawyer this amputation begins at the ankles...
May the same eventuality eventuate with the most famous sufferer of the curved member.
So to speak......
Well, it would have....
Maybe next time you can be the lucky one!
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