One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow...that's awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble?
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.
Demon: Do ya do drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...
Demon: Yep, that's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: No way!
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."