Espy awards:
congratulating Heisman trophy winner: "hey you earned it and nobody can take that away from you.... unless you kill your ex-wife and a waiter and then all bets are off"
on Dallas Cowboys [I think]: "the coach said he'd return the team to the formula that made them great.... hookers and crack!"
[paraphrased - couldn't find exact quotes, but picturing Norm's delivey helps]
we won't even get into his "I'm proud of my gay son" routine
"The Walt Disney Company announced that the Space Mountain ride at Walt Disney World would be closed for a few days to modify it to make it scarier. The ride will be the same but there will be six bolts missing."