1. Must like to discuss everything;
2. Must be able to take the blame for everything;
3. Must be able to show his sensitive side;
4. And must NOT laugh at anything Oprah says...
Those men are commonly referred to as gay!
No, these rules are sound for all men, with some modifications:
1. Must be able to stay awake (or appear to) while his wife/girlfreind proceeds to discuss the same damn things over and over and over;
2. Must be able to take the blame for everything; (No modification. There's just no getting around this.)
3. Must be able to show his sensitive side even when it's not going to get him laid (immediately);
4. And must NOT laugh at anything Oprah says, or sit where she can see your eyes rolling...
1.In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2.You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3.You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.
4.Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.
5.Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6.Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
7.You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
8.Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9.Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
10.A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"