Implying, of course, that SHE was wrong in her own opinion and her interpretation of Gelato's remarks.
as an insult was his characterization of what you said (not of you)
Of course it's about HER.
as an "extreme exaggeration".
Which, of course, is calling what somebody said a LIE, no matter how nicely you dress it up.
AARGH!
First I understood DaughterOAIJVet to agree with me the Gelato's remarks were not insulting -- it was the second response that was insulting. So the point I was trying to get clear about was indeed cleared up and it appears that I wasn't so far off base.
And here, I think, we have a problem with judging the person instead of the deed. If you disagree with something I said, or with my understanding of somebody else's remark then, it seems, I should take that as an insult?
Yes, If DOAIJVet thought Gelato was insulting her (which, I say again, she later said she did NOT think) then I think she was mistaken. I have little or no clue who DOAIJVet is (though I've enjoyed her posts) and, well, I have been known to make a mistake and I don't think I'm pond scum. My friends point out my mistakes to me and if they think I'm pond scum they're hiding it really well.
Does every disagreement mean we HAVE to think the person we're disagreeing with is a bad person? Is every disagreement about something somebody says or thinks a personal insult? I don't think so.
I guess, along with not thinking every disagreement an insult, I also see gradations and shades in failures of communication. I may be imprecise. I may be inaccurate.
Often when I tell an anecdote I exaggerate wildly - "remembering big", we call it in my family. Often I say what is not so, sometimes in error and sometimes on purpose.
I agree that "extreme exaggeration" is a pretty heavy-duty thing to say about what somebody says in a discussion. But I do not agree that it is the same as saying something is a lie. I know that if someone characteried something I said as an exaggeration I wouldn't be half as upset as I would if he were to characterize it as a lie.
If you say I told a lie, you are saying something about my intention. If you say I said something untrue, what I intended remains to be seen. I could have thought it was true.
Finally, you think that to criticize someone's actions is to criticize the person. But I do not think so. I may be wrong and maybe you cannot criticize a deed without making and articulating a judgement about the doer. But since I do not agree with you, presently I do not consciously intend to insult a person when I disagree with them - or even when I think they've done something wrong. I suppose you could say I have a lack of insight and do not understand my own motives. But when I say, "That was a pretty jerky thing to do," I think that is very different from saying, "You're a jerk."
I guess I've flogged this issue to death. Sorry. Anyway, I hope DoaIJvet does not think I insulted her.