Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 11/09/2001 9:17:01 AM PST by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
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An Afghan man smokes while waiting for his turn to receive humanitarian aid in a refugee camp near the village of Dasht-i-Qala, Northern Afghanistan, Friday, Nov. 9, 2001. (AP Photo/Ivan Sekretarev). - Nov 09 4:38 PM ET |
I may have to alter my "foreign" beer reference. I can recall some extremely satisfying encounters with more than a few bottles of San Miguel in the PI. I was TDY to the PI several times and a buddy bought me my first bottle of San Miguel. He told me I'd really enjoy it but not to hold it up to the light in the bar. Naturally, I held it up to the light in the bar.
I then realized why guys drank San Miguel so quickly. It was a race between the purchaser and various members of the animal kingdom that were swimming around in the bottle to see who could consume the most.
Just one, just one! whilst you're slicing up the limes, Joe... They're prob'ly just a bunch a urban legends but they crack me up anyhoo...
IDIOTS AMONG US
IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.She informed me that she could not complete thetransaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed onthe receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge,how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,"That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
IDIOT SIGHTING #3: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to downsizing, our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
IDIOT SIGHTING #4: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING #5: When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which hereplied, "I know - I already got that side."
NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?
You probably did but seeing as how we have one of THE STATE OF THE ART ventilation systems, unless you're actually ALLERGIC to tobacco smoke it won't bother you.
Other times I'd have three and when I stood up to leave I thought I had my feet on backwards.
Someday I'd like to go back to the PI and visit all those brain cells I left behind.
Sometimes if I am in a mood, just before I enter a store I will take a deep drag, put out my cigarette, go inside as far as I can hold it. . . and exhale. Best as I can tell that's legal.
BTW. . . here in Houston non-smoking establishments (pretty much any place) are supposed to provide an ash can at the entrance. Most of them don't. Get shoddy service? Turn 'em in to the smoking police!
You've got me pegged - two peas in a pod!!!!!
But on the other hand - I can drink those beers mostn of the night and still walk away!!!!
I think youth was the only thing that saved us.
Gotta go, all this typin' is making me thirsty. SUPPORT OUR MILITARY.
Like TexanaRed (you naughty girl), I usually stay away from the hard stuff since a friend of mine from college told me about waking up in a strange apartment naked in a kiddie wading pool full of cold cream after a several martinis in a local watering hole, and she couldn't remember how she got there...
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