HALF-MAN, HALF-DINOSAUR: "FIND ME A WOMAN BEFORE I EXPLODE!"

WWN (the pinnacle of reliable news!) ^

[Sir Gawain]

WASHINGTON - A bizarre half-man, half-dinosaur captured in the Peruvian rain forest back in 1996 is begging scientists "for a woman," and says if he doesn't get one soon, "I'll explode"!

And because the strange creature is said to be both super-sensitive and super-moody, the woman chosen to satisfy his physical needs will have to be, in the words of one researcher, "exceptionally patient and understanding, willing to put up with his bizarre and often extreme moods, and also able to endure his strange, sawdust-like smell."

"Ordinarily we'd be hesitant to even reveal the existence of this creature," continues the source, one of 11 scientists who are said to be observing the creature in an unidentified research center in northern Michigan.

"But we're becoming very concerned about him. We're afraid if he doesn't find a mate soon, he'll die."

The source, who spoke to a handful of trusted reporters on condition of anonymity, says the creature - playfully dubbed "Dino Man" by scientists - has several traits that would appeal to "just about any woman," including:

• He's a good listener, although it is often unclear how much of what he listens to he actually understands.
• He's reasonably intelligent, consistently scoring 80 to 85 on intelligence tests, which is just slightly below average for humans.
• He is bilingual and speaks Spanish and English on the level of a 10-year-old child.
• He has excellent posture, a muscular body and the reflexes of an athlete.
• But there are, continues the source, a few negative points. Among them:
• He has reptilian skin.
• He has long, slimy fingers.
• He eats bugs, small animals such as mice and rats and even freshly uprooted plants.
• He snores, whistles, grunts and screeches in his sleep - often at noise levels up to 125 decibels, which rivals the noise generated by a speeding locomotive or a loud rock band such as Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones.

"He's acting like a panda in captivity," explains the source. "He's not eating. He's not sleeping.

"This isn't unlike the behavior we would expect from a human male in captivity. After months without 'companionship', males of any species tend to get edgy."

That's why scientists have leaked word of Dino Man's existence to the outside world. They're hoping a potential partner will come forward.

"But it needs to happen very quickly," says the source. "Otherwise, I'm afraid Dino Man may soon become extinct."

LADIES! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO MATE DINOMAN!

Ladies, if you're attracted to Dino Man or would just like to become his mate send us a letter, 200 words or less, stating why Dino Man should choose you as his companion. Write: Dino Man c/o Weekly World News, 5401 NW Broken Sound Blvd., Boca Raton, FL 33487. Or e-mail: editor@weeklyworldnews.com

We'll happily forward all your letters to him. Dino Man can't wait to hear from you!

[Victoria Delsoul]

You're welcome.

[Rebelbase]

"LADIES! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO MATE DINOMAN!"

Won't happen.

That line has never worked for me.

[hottomale]

She better be good looking too.

[Saundra Duffy]

Sounds like my first ex husband. For victory & freedom!!!

[exmoor]

I didn't know Sylvester Stallone spoke spanish !

[Equality 7-2521]

Hey, I have a picture of him and his brother.

 

 

[demnomo]

Looks like Bat Boy has some competition...

Cheers.

[Phil V.]

They of course say that they are much more intelligent than their parents.

Be of good cheer. From age zero to age 18 your IQ is INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to the rugrat's age. From age 18 on YOUR IQ is DIRECTLY proportional to their age.

it does get better!!!

[Phil V.]

Possibly . . . the progeny of Jerry & Maria could become . . .ANYTHING . . . YIKES!!!

[KSCITYBOY]

Maybe they need to introduce Dino-Man to Dino-hand, or atleast let Dr. Joyce Elders give him a few tips.

[x]

There was a frat house full of these guys where I went to school ... Maybe they could take in Brother Dino-Man ...