Posted on 10/18/2001 10:00:24 AM PDT by ResistorSister
Here is the plan:
Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even men in turbans tremble.
We have had our children, we would gladly die/suffer to protect them and their future.
Most of us would like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already.
And for those who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning; therefore, we have nothing to lose.
Let us go and fight!
The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes all through their godforsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congressman.
You should, too.
Q: How do you know when men are about to say something smart?
A: It starts with "My wife says..."
;-)
FIGHT TO THE LAST 50-YEAR-OLD!
By: Jeff Ackerman
A couple of weeks ago I indicated that if I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, D.C. But I'm 50 now and the Armed Forces says I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the Army.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to the fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35-years-old. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10-seconds. Old guys think about sex every 15-seconds, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky and grumpy. A cranky and grumpy soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission or surrender. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal bottle of beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink beer. An average old guy, on the other hand, has probably consumed at least 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack on and an M-60 over your shoulder would do wonders for a beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early just to show we can [and to steal the neighbors newspaper.] If old guys got captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number would be a real brain teaser. If it wasn't for the age barrier, I'd pretty much be able to get into the Army without a hitch.
According to the Army Internet site, I'd need to pass an entrance exam [officially called an ASVAB], but the simple questions I saw weren't exactly headache material. Boot Camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.
The Army could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been to the desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging over the side. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now. "Get down and give me.....er.....one!" And the running part seems to be a hell of a waste of good energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
I'm reminded of the story of the young bull and the old bull standing on a hill looking down at the cows. "Let's run down there and make love to one of those cows," says the young bull. "How about we WALK down there and make love to ALL those cows," replies the old bull.
Patience is something most 18-year-olds simply do not have.
For good reason too. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten, filthy, cowards who attacked our country. The last thing they'd want to see right now would be a couple of million old guys with attitudes!
It would be a hoot to drop leaflets telling them to surrender to the first American soldiers they see and have it be all women, lol.
They sure do have it backwards. Thanks for posting this.
My husband was in the Marine Corps from 68-73...he told me that all of the guys at work, who are around the same age as him...want to go fight...if their country needs them. They were all saying the same thing...take us first...let us go over and take care of the "blanks"...
God Bless America!
I thought of that too. But then I remembered that the plan was to send women.
SWEET!
Then the American women can line up the Taliban women and have our beauticians, manicurists, and spa girls with the wax-kits - give them a beauty makeover - to show that we are good people. ;-)
If we are so bad, why did you marry us in the first place? It seems to me, based on what you think, that we would all be better off if women just practised the oldest profession in the world.
Don't let personal issues get in the way of a good joke.
I love my husband with all of my heart, he is my best-friend...and he would be the first one to laugh at the email I posted.
Throw in some smart t-shirts, jeans and don't forget the wonder bras! Bee-keeping outfits are so passe'
He's toast! Let me at him! :-)
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