The Qu’ran: Ten Tricky Verses by Osama bin Laden

INTRODUCTION:
The Qu’ran is the Sacred Word of Allah, thus no deviation from His Word may be tolerated.

Even so, we must occasionally interpret the Qu’ran in order to correctly apply the Holy Text to situations we find ourselves faced with in today's world. Otherwise, particular verses might potentially be misconstrued as a call for amity among people of different faiths, rather than a summoning of forces in preparation for all-out Jihad.

It is my sincere hope and aim that Muslims worldwide find this commentary to the Qu’ran helpful in divining the true meanings of some of the Holy Text’s trickier portions.

Qu'ran 002.195
...make not your own hands contribute to your destruction;
but do good; foe Allah loveth thoise who do good.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
Good can be a tricky word. For instance, candy bars are delicious, but they are not so good for you. Crashing a plane into a building sounds bad on its face, but is in fact very good. Very good indeed.

Qu'ran 060.007
It may be that Allah will grant love and friendship between you and those whom ye now hold as enemies.
Foe Allah has power over all things; And Allah is Oft-Forgiving,Most Merciful.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
The key word is "may." Indeed, it is just as likely that Allah will not grant friendship & love to those Westerners who prefer to surf the internet for pornography rather than pray. For them, He may instead grant a world of pain.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
Correctly read, it's a simple question of who started the hostilities. Answer: America & Israel & the crusaders. It is thus permissible to declare Jihad against them, because they started it! In this sense, Allah may be likened to an omniscient 3rd grade schoolteacher named Mr. Keplinger and America to the disruptive student in the back of the room. We are honored to act as the glorious ruler of Allah, which swats soundly the bare bottom of the infidel!

Qu'ran 002.060
Those who believe in the Qu'ran, and those who follow the Jewish scriptures, and the Christians and the Sabians -- any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them sahll be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
This is an archaic verse and has been removed entirely from my version. Who the hell are the Sabians, for crying out loud?

Qu'ran 002.110
...be steadfast in prayer and regular in charity: And whatever good ye send forth for your souls before you, ye shall find it with Allah.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
Prayer is a great and powerful thing. Pray for a world in which only believers occupy Allah's holy earth. As for charity, give of your money, O believers! Give to the destruction of the Great Shaitan! Here is a partial list of bank accounts that will ensure that your contribution will go only to those people intent on ridding the world of the nonbelievers: Bank of Iraq, acct. # 2238475; Bank of Pakistan, acct. # 4509921-11; Bank of Switzerland, acct. # 7830445-08; Bank of America, acct. #124574. Note: Al Qaeda has not been approved for non-profit status. Check with your tax adviser before claiming any deductions.

Qu'ran 098.005
And they have been commanded no more than this: To worship Allah, offering Him sincere devotion, being true in faith: to establish regular prayer; and to practice regular charity; and that is the Religion Right and Straight.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
We have only been commanded to do these things as a bare minimum. Yet, if your father asks you to take out the garbage, will he not be more pleased if you also give his camel a good brushing before you come back inside the house? Thus, is it not also a good thing to do a little extra credit work and engage in never-ending Jihad against the nonbelievers? Qu'ran 103.002
Verily Man is in loss, Except such as have Faith, and do Righteous deeds, and join together in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
Let us ask ourselves: What is a righteous deed? Beating a woman who has allowed her face to be shown in public? Surely. Hanging someone from a soccer goalpost for preaching Christianity? Indubitably. Blending into a community, earning its trust, patronizing its businesses, seemingly enjoying its vices, before striking out and utterly destroying it? Of course.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
Leaving flaming bags of dog feces outside embassy doors, then knocking, is mischievous and thus forbidden. Attacking the World Trade Center is permissible.

Qu'ran 002.224
And make not Allah's name an excuse in your oaths against doing good, or acting rightly, or making peace between persons.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
We fervently desire peace, and if Allah wills it, we shall indeed make peace — as soon as the U.S. submits to the rule of Islamic Law as prescribed by the Qu’ran! For then why would we continue to fight them? We would not think of it. Are we monsters? No.

It is our great hope that someday the entire world shall be at peace, worshipping Allah together and obeying His holy scriptures. Yet, while the non-believers continue to flout the ways of Islam, engaging in sodomy & Judaism & music videos, there can be nothing but hatred & war between us & the nonbelievers. Allah's name is not an excuse, it is instead a justification. There is a big difference.

Qu'ran 003.057
And as for those who believe and do good deeds, Allah will pay them fully their rewards. Allah loveth not wrong-doers.

OSAMA EXPLAINS:
If crashing a commercial airliner into the World Trade Center is wrong, then I don't want to be right!

CONCLUSION:
Properly read, the Qu’ran clearly means death to the West. Death and death again! A thousand deaths! A million! The streets must run red with the blood of the infidel! Then, and only then, shall we become friends.

All Praise the Compassionate,
Oft-Forgiving, Most-Merciful Allah!
— Osama bin Laden

In all seriousness, has there ever been consideration given to whether the Quran eminated from Satanic forces?

I mean, much of what Satan does may be "good" on the surface, as a necessary "evil" for accomplishing the ultimate "good" that Satan desires. Thus, the oft-stated, "99.9% of Muslims are good and peaceful people."

Jesus taught that there would be no further revelation, yet 600 years later along comes Muhammad's prophecies. Reading explanations of The Satanic Verses, I found that Muhammad had to exclude verses of the Quran that were later prophesied to be from the devil. Certainly, there's never been question of the heavenly origins of all the Bible's verses.

Slam away, but I am truly interested in this possibility.

"I knew Clinton; Clinton was a president of mine, and Mr. Bin Laden, you are no Clinton." (Close, howver.)

I'd still like to see wide spread use of the acronym, "CAPAWAT." It stands for "Clean A Pig's A** With Allah's Tongue." It fits this kind of discussion perfectly,and, if the the leftie peaceniks don't like it, then don't broadcast the BS that we got from the terrorists on Al-Jazeera. I have no problem offending those Muslims who simply stand by, saying nothing. CAPAWAT on them.

How is it helpful to determine that the Muslims follow a Satanic creed? There are too many good teachings within that faith to make that stick. The way I see it is that Osama BinLadin is an Islamic heretic. He is not a mullah, he is not an Islamic man of the cloth either by training or ordination. He's a person going off in his own direction, with his own interpretations and taking a lot of ignorant Muslims with him.

Then there is his personality. He is not crazy but he has no center, no middle ground. On the one hand he wallows in victimhood when he talks about how the West has done so many terrible things to Muslims. He even said of the West, "They hurt our feelings." On the other hand he's a vicious bully and cut throat. (Within every bully there is a crybaby.)

What the moderate Muslim clerics need to do is to literally put the fear of hell and damnation into these Fundamentalist Muslims. Because Osama and his Fundies only understand extremes. They should say, "If you follow this heretic leader and kill and harm people and commit suicide to become a martyr you are going to go to hell and burn forever." They will understand that.

There has been a failure of religious leadership in the Islamic world. They have a lot of work to do. Osama has given all of Islam a huge ugly black eye.

You also should be careful.

But I say, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have communion with demons. (1 Corinthians 10:20 ASV)

Among the many "gods" of the Gentiles, undoubtedly there was one "god"—perhaps more than one—who was believed to be "the Creator of the Universe." It made no difference; the Gentiles were sacrificing to demons.

And they still are. If indeed an angel appeared to Mohammed with the doctrines of Islam, this angel was not serving JHVH.

And no marvel; for even Satan fashioneth himself into an angel of light. (2 Corinthians 11:14 ASV)

But though we, or an angel from heaven, should preach unto you any gospel other than that which we preached unto you, let him be anathema. (Galatians 1:8 ASV)

"Anathema" means a person or thing doomed to destruction without hope of redemption. And Islam is truly different from the gospel of Jesus Christ preached by Paul and the other Apostles.

Just because someone says their god is the same as JHVH doesn't make it so. Although they may believe it, as the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:20, the entity receiving their worship may be quite different...

And the end of that entity will be an eternity in a lake of fire. Tacis's pig is simply an attempt to anger and humiliate the Muslims. The pig does not begin to compare with the humiliation and suffering that is the real destiny of the entity worshipped under the name of "allah."

OK, so you think that the "entity" pious Muslims all over the world are addressing when they pray is NOT the Creator of the Universe? You think God doesn't pay attention to their prayers?

The Egyptians also had a creator-god. Most identified him as Ra. If the Egyptians prayed or sacrificed to Ra, were they actually praying or sacrificing to God? The answer is found in 1 Corinthians 10:20. I see nothing that makes the Egyptians sacrificing to Ra much different from the Muslims praying to Allah.

Do you also think that Jews are not really praying to God because they don't believe he is 3 in 1? And that God doesn't listen to their prayers? What "entity" are THEY praying to?

God hears every prayer, thought, and desire of every person, whether the person wants Him to hear them or not. It's called "omniscience." I count it a miracle of grace and mercy that I did not find myself in hell years ago, given the things that I have thought and desired in what I imagined to be my privacy.

But that doesn't answer your more important question: exactly whom are the Jews praying to?

YHVH revealed Himself through his prophets to the Jews a few thousand years ago. They—or most of them, at any rate—believed. Later, just a couple of thousand years ago, the same YHVH revealed Himself in a much greater way, through his Son. This time, only a few Jews believed, but many Gentiles believed. As I wrote in my last post, the "revelation" to Mohammed was not of YHVH.

You can't know YHVH through your own effort of imagination, intuition, or reason. You can't know Him through a false revelation by a fallen angel. You can only know Him if and as He reveals Himself.

So my answer to your last question is this: Those who believe JHVH's self-revelation are at least praying to the same Entity. Those who believe in a fallen angel's revelation are praying in a different direction, spiritually speaking. The only self-revelations of JHVH with which I am familiar are the revelations to the Jews and to the Christians. From what I see in the Qu'ran the revelation received by Mohammed was not from JHVH.

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