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Judicial Watch Jumps On Record-Setting Bandwagon, Sues Barry Bonds and Major League Baseball
10/08/2001 | William Wallace

Posted on 10/08/2001 8:28:01 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez

For Immediate Release

10/8/2001

Washington, D.C. Monday, October 8, 2001

Judicial Watch General Counsel, Mr. Larry Klayman, took a respite from his unceasing efforts to obliterate Osama bin Laden and the forces of world terrorism to announce the filing of Judicial Watch’s record-setting 2,000th frivolous lawsuit.

“Judicial Watch is the undisputed leader in the burgeoning field of frivolous litigation and we wanted to do something special for our 2,000th groundless action,” said Klayman. On behalf of the Babe Ruth and Roger Maris Estates, Litigious Larry is suing Major League Baseball for allowing San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds, St. Louis Cardinal first baseman Mark McGwire and Chicago Cubs outfielder Sammy Sosa to diminish the single season home run record.

The Judicial Watch suit alleges collusion among the various ball clubs to dilute the accomplishments of Ruth and Maris. “Ruth’s 60 home runs stood unequalled until 1961 when the addition of eight games to the schedule helped Roger Maris hit 61 home runs. Ruth’s record stood for 34 years and Maris’ mark stood for another 37 years before McGwire and Chicago Cubs outfielder Sammy Sosa shattered the record with 70 and 65 home runs respectively in 1998. Now, just three years later, Bonds comes along to top McGwire’s mark. This home run explosion is the result of uncontrolled expansion, smaller ball parks and a juiced-up baseball,” fumed Klayman.

“Barry Bond’s recent home run orgy underscores our commitment to restore integrity to America’s national pastime,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. “With this unprecedented lawsuit, we hope to share in the limelight and teach all these overpaid athletes that no one is above the risk of a frivolous lawsuit.”

“The suit against Barry Bonds is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Klayman. Apparently, Judicial Watch is also going after U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Rehnquist as well as the estates of several deceased justices who participated in the decision in the early 70s to grant major league baseball an exemption from the antitrust laws.

“We are determined to maximize publicity and media exposure from our first suit against Major League baseball,” said Fitton. “Our contributions from disgruntled conservatives have pretty much dried up since Al Gore’s defeat. We hoped that bringing frivolous lawsuits against John Ashcroft and the Bush administration would attract disgruntled liberals to help offset projected revenue losses. But we badly underestimated how stingy liberals are when it comes to parting with their money. Now we’re trying to identify new income sources to redress our serious cash flow problems. Disgruntled sports fans is an obvious and, for us, untapped revenue source,” Fitton said.

Klayman and Fitton scoff at conservative critics’ claims that, notwithstanding all the lawsuits and publicity-seeking stunts, Judicial Watch has yet to win an actual case. “Nonsense,” says Larry, “Judicial Watch has won a number of important victories. For instance, I recently peeled off a Pull ‘n Play sticker from a Burger King sandwich and won a BK Double Whopper Jr. That wasn’t just a fluke either: Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton won a large order of french fries the same day,” Klayman boasted.

Judicial Watch isn’t resting on its laurels following its triumphant victory against Burger King, Fitton declared. A few days later, Judicial Watch earned an unprecedented appellate victory against Macy’s Department Store, which initially refused to let Klayman return a men’s cotton dress shirt without a receipt. However, Klayman took the matter up with a store supervisor who agreed to give Larry a store credit for the shirt. “This was a fantastic victory for Judicial Watch,” said Fitton.

In another stunning victory, Judicial Watch recently received a personal letter from Ed McMahon, informing them that they may have already won $78 million in the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes. “Some contestants overlook the extra prize sticker which gives several extra chances to win, but our diligent and capable staff successfully completed those tricky forms to maximize our chances,” said President Tom Fitton.

Meanwhile, Judicial Watch’s war against terrorism continues to strike back at America’s foes. “It’s no coincidence that President Bush ordered military strikes against Kabul, Kandahar and Jalalabad just a few days after Judical Watch’s threatened actions against the terrorists responsible for the September 11, 2001 attacks,” said Klayman. “Clearly the United States government supports Judicial Watch’s war against bin Laden,” said Larry.

Bonds, who hit his 73rd home run last night, could not be reached for comment.

Media contact: 1 (800) GO-LARRY
For further inquiries:
Larry Klayman (US): 1 (800) SUES-MOM

For more information please refer to
http://www.judicialwatch.org/


TOPICS: Free Republic; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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To: isthisnickcool
Thanks for the link.

Do they have a watch? They have THREE styles of watches for sale HERE

41 posted on 10/08/2001 9:08:19 PM PDT by William Wallace
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To: Dr. Frank
Personally I didn't like them before either. For a time I thought they were good, but eventually the proof was not in the pudding. Now that the Clintons are gone, its still not there.
42 posted on 10/08/2001 9:08:35 PM PDT by patent
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To: isthisnickcool

Illusion Watch
($75.00)
Authentic JW watch with disappearing and reappearing logo on the face. Black leather bands, black face with silver accents.


43 posted on 10/08/2001 9:09:43 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez
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To: Luis Gonzalez
Larry Klayman is a friend of mine, but the very notion of suing Barry Bonds is a trifle bizarre.
44 posted on 10/08/2001 9:11:57 PM PDT by FReethesheeples
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To: Luis Gonzalez
I just saw your disclaimer:

"This is a work of fiction."

....."No animals were hurt in posting this thread."

45 posted on 10/08/2001 9:13:50 PM PDT by FReethesheeples
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To: StoneColdGOP; RevNan; BibChr; Sloth; b4its2late; Dog Gone; Ragtime Cowgirl;
FYI
46 posted on 10/08/2001 9:14:35 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez
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To: William Wallace
I think this is satire & fiction, WW.
47 posted on 10/08/2001 9:14:45 PM PDT by FReethesheeples
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To: William Wallace
I think this is satire & fiction, WW.
48 posted on 10/08/2001 9:14:45 PM PDT by FReethesheeples
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To: Luis Gonzalez
This is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidence.
No animals were harmed during the posting of this thread.


The sad part is, you half expect to awaken one fine morning and find out this was no gag, and Klayman really is going to sue Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa.

Which reminds me - a new trivia question:

Only one man in major league history has hit sixty or more home runs in three out of four seasons and not led his league, while hitting a mere 50 or more in the fourth and leading his league. Name him. Hint: He did it - yes, it figures - as a Chicago Cub.
49 posted on 10/08/2001 9:15:31 PM PDT by BluesDuke
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To: Luis Gonzalez
LOL! What next? The Judicial Watch Prophylactic? AKA - The Klayman condom. For men that can't decide who to stick it in and when they finally do nothing ever happens? The only quantity available for purchase is one because that's all that's ever needed?
50 posted on 10/08/2001 9:15:38 PM PDT by isthisnickcool
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To: FReethesheeples
I know. I wrote it. :-)
51 posted on 10/08/2001 9:16:21 PM PDT by William Wallace
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To: Luis Gonzalez, William Wallace, Howlin
These two guys are EVERYWHERE!

               

52 posted on 10/08/2001 9:18:01 PM PDT by Irma
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To: diotima; cardinalrules
ROFLMAO
53 posted on 10/08/2001 9:18:15 PM PDT by Lizzy W
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To: William Wallace
The verdict:

"Not too funny,"

especialy the juvenile post @ #38.

54 posted on 10/08/2001 9:18:39 PM PDT by FReethesheeples
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To: Irma
ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
55 posted on 10/08/2001 9:19:46 PM PDT by William Wallace
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To: FReethesheeples
The solution....turn the dial.....
56 posted on 10/08/2001 9:20:15 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez
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To: William Wallace
You've got to be kidding!
(But you're not)
57 posted on 10/08/2001 9:26:15 PM PDT by pubmom
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To: William Wallace
Thanks for the link.

I've been on a rant about some nonprofits for a long time. If you watch the left closely you will find it's one of their favorite methods of raising money to play with. Watch a lot of the "news stories" that get posted here and many times you will find a nonprofit behind it.

On the Guidestar site, for a chuckle, take a look at Consumers Union, the publishers of Consumer Reports. Over 200 million in assets and $140 million in annual income. Amazing. The American taxpayer gets ripped by some of these groups. And some of them are owned by for-profits. Great work if you can get it:)

58 posted on 10/08/2001 9:26:48 PM PDT by isthisnickcool
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To: William Wallace; Luis Gonzalez
Kudos to William for authoring this hilarious piece, and its appendix, the JW badge.

And thanks to Luis for posting it.

Hilarious and, unfortunately, believeable!

59 posted on 10/08/2001 9:27:34 PM PDT by sinkspur
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To: KQQL; paul544; fnord; JeanS; mombonn; dalebert
You all call some friends to the party!
60 posted on 10/08/2001 9:31:58 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez
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