Posted on 10/08/2001 8:28:01 PM PDT by Luis Gonzalez
For Immediate Release
10/8/2001
Washington, D.C. Monday, October 8, 2001
Judicial Watch General Counsel, Mr. Larry Klayman, took a respite from his unceasing efforts to obliterate Osama bin Laden and the forces of world terrorism to announce the filing of Judicial Watch’s record-setting 2,000th frivolous lawsuit.
“Judicial Watch is the undisputed leader in the burgeoning field of frivolous litigation and we wanted to do something special for our 2,000th groundless action,” said Klayman. On behalf of the Babe Ruth and Roger Maris Estates, Litigious Larry is suing Major League Baseball for allowing San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds, St. Louis Cardinal first baseman Mark McGwire and Chicago Cubs outfielder Sammy Sosa to diminish the single season home run record.
The Judicial Watch suit alleges collusion among the various ball clubs to dilute the accomplishments of Ruth and Maris. “Ruth’s 60 home runs stood unequalled until 1961 when the addition of eight games to the schedule helped Roger Maris hit 61 home runs. Ruth’s record stood for 34 years and Maris’ mark stood for another 37 years before McGwire and Chicago Cubs outfielder Sammy Sosa shattered the record with 70 and 65 home runs respectively in 1998. Now, just three years later, Bonds comes along to top McGwire’s mark. This home run explosion is the result of uncontrolled expansion, smaller ball parks and a juiced-up baseball,” fumed Klayman.
“Barry Bond’s recent home run orgy underscores our commitment to restore integrity to America’s national pastime,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. “With this unprecedented lawsuit, we hope to share in the limelight and teach all these overpaid athletes that no one is above the risk of a frivolous lawsuit.”
“The suit against Barry Bonds is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Klayman. Apparently, Judicial Watch is also going after U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Rehnquist as well as the estates of several deceased justices who participated in the decision in the early 70s to grant major league baseball an exemption from the antitrust laws.
“We are determined to maximize publicity and media exposure from our first suit against Major League baseball,” said Fitton. “Our contributions from disgruntled conservatives have pretty much dried up since Al Gore’s defeat. We hoped that bringing frivolous lawsuits against John Ashcroft and the Bush administration would attract disgruntled liberals to help offset projected revenue losses. But we badly underestimated how stingy liberals are when it comes to parting with their money. Now we’re trying to identify new income sources to redress our serious cash flow problems. Disgruntled sports fans is an obvious and, for us, untapped revenue source,” Fitton said.
Klayman and Fitton scoff at conservative critics’ claims that, notwithstanding all the lawsuits and publicity-seeking stunts, Judicial Watch has yet to win an actual case. “Nonsense,” says Larry, “Judicial Watch has won a number of important victories. For instance, I recently peeled off a Pull ‘n Play sticker from a Burger King sandwich and won a BK Double Whopper Jr. That wasn’t just a fluke either: Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton won a large order of french fries the same day,” Klayman boasted.
Judicial Watch isn’t resting on its laurels following its triumphant victory against Burger King, Fitton declared. A few days later, Judicial Watch earned an unprecedented appellate victory against Macy’s Department Store, which initially refused to let Klayman return a men’s cotton dress shirt without a receipt. However, Klayman took the matter up with a store supervisor who agreed to give Larry a store credit for the shirt. “This was a fantastic victory for Judicial Watch,” said Fitton.
In another stunning victory, Judicial Watch recently received a personal letter from Ed McMahon, informing them that they may have already won $78 million in the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes. “Some contestants overlook the extra prize sticker which gives several extra chances to win, but our diligent and capable staff successfully completed those tricky forms to maximize our chances,” said President Tom Fitton.
Meanwhile, Judicial Watch’s war against terrorism continues to strike back at America’s foes. “It’s no coincidence that President Bush ordered military strikes against Kabul, Kandahar and Jalalabad just a few days after Judical Watch’s threatened actions against the terrorists responsible for the September 11, 2001 attacks,” said Klayman. “Clearly the United States government supports Judicial Watch’s war against bin Laden,” said Larry.
Bonds, who hit his 73rd home run last night, could not be reached for comment.
Media contact: 1 (800) GO-LARRY
For further inquiries:
Larry Klayman (US): 1 (800) SUES-MOM
For more information please refer to
http://www.judicialwatch.org/
Ok, I'm outta here, got to work in the AM.
This was funny, great stuff.
I haven't had this much fun in weeks, thanks.
Great cartoon!!!
LOL!!!
It's rather simple actually.
When X42 was in the WH, it was rather easy for Larry to raise funds because we all hated the Bill and Hill show and would give money to anyone who said that they would sue them. We hated them because they are criminals who should be spending time in jail right now.
By the skin of our teeth, a decent man got into the Oval Office, and things are better, no more criminals in the WH. That doesn't mean that Larry and JW need to raise $12 million plus a year to live; and if they can't find criminal actions by the Admin., they will spin some into being because they need $$$.
Should read:
That doesn't mean that Larry and JW do not still need to raise $12 million plus a year to live;
It's late, got to sleep....
Sigh. Well, that's kind of been my point. Thanks for verifying it. I guess. Later,
Your subpoena is on it's way.
What you wanted was for me to answer for all the people whop are critical of JW, impossible for me to do, but once I made a statement closely resembling the statement that you have been fishing for, you smuggly proclaimed understanding, and huffed off. You are damned near as intellectually dishonest as JW.
Do you truly want to know why EVERYONE who is critical of Larry and JW think that way? Then you will have to each and everyone of them Doc. I gave you my reasons several times on this thread, not that I have to, I only need to justify my actions, and choices, to myself and my maker, certainly not to you.
So what have we learned here? That at least on this issue, I am being far more honest than you.
When Larry and JW do things that I approve of, I praise them, when they don't, I condemn them.
That's life Doc, if Larry doesn't like it, he should get the hell out of the public limelight he so loves.
Now, back to the fun at hand.
You spin better and faster than a loose hubcap on the beltway, there was another half to that answer.
Thanks for demonstrating my point so well.
Go larr Go, you da man..... Defend those terrorist and sue them at the same time.....
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