Posted on 10/04/2001 1:11:48 AM PDT by Beep
Chelsea to Chronicle Harrowing Twin Tower Escape
Chelsea Clinton is set to tell the world about her alleged brush with death in the World Trade Center collapse, and how her last-minute decision to go for coffee instead of a jog around the Twin Towers saved her from a horrible fate.
That and the six Secret Service agents still assigned to protect her.
While it's unclear whether her bodyguards will rate a mention in the piece she's been invited to pen for the November issue of Talk magazine, you can bet her screed will be a real page-turner.
We won't be a bit surprised to learn, for instance, that Chels and her dad spent many a White House night playing Scrabble into the wee hours while plotting to get Osama bin Laden.
The New York Observer, which first reported the news of young Clinton's journalistic debut, said she was so moved by the episode that she's stopped giving interviews. (We hadn't noticed she'd started.)
In fact, it was her senator mom who first piqued interest in her daughter's Twin Tower adventure when she told NBC's Jane Pauley, "Chelsea was going to go [jogging] around the towers. She went to get a cup of coffee and that's when the plane hit."
Mrs. Clinton next claimed she wasn't able to reach her child for two whole hours after the attack, and was afraid to tell her husband - who was busy scooping up six-figure speaking fees in Australia at the time.
With all three tethered to a small army of Secret Service agents, it's hard to imagine such a total communciations breakdown. But the Clintons have never been sticklers for inconvenient details.
Talk initiated the idea of Chelsea telling her Twin Tower tale, the Observer said, noting the magazine's long history of support for the Clintons.
Jogging around the Twin Towers? Er, I don't think so. Perhaps Hillary is confused. Her darling daughter was actually thinking of scaling the towers, in a belated tribute to her mother's namesake, Sir Edmund Hillary, the former beekeeper.
Like father, like daughter and mother thrown in between. These damned Clinton's will do anything to insert themselves into the fawning media spotlight.
My biggest objection to this BS story is this, anyone who tried to jog around the WTC at that time of the morning would most likely be strangled within minutes for a damn nuisance! There are/were literally about a hundred thousand people streaming in, out and around that area at that time. If she was going to run down there it would probably be along the Hudson River promenade behind Battery Park City where she would most certainly would have been whisked away by the Secret Service at the first impact.
I love the tone of NewsMax! My kind of news reporting! *VBG*
I predict that in the near future, Chelsea will go to Brazil on a Save the Third World/Global Environmental Crisis thing, and will come back breathless, telling us all that she single-handedly saved an entire Amazonian village from a colony of rampaging army ants armed only with a garden trowel and a canteen of water, or something equally ludicrous. After rehearsing to herself after several days, she'll actually believe it. A lot of other folks will, too.
Hi, my name is Chelsea Clinton. Did ya catch that? Clinton. That makes this story saleable.
Okay, here's the dirt. I was in New York City that day, you know, the big day, when all the sirens were blastin. My SS guys -- what a hoot, can you believe I still get SS protection? -- and me we were strollin, and thinkin what a day for a daydream, and WHAM SOCKO SHOCKO, they grabbed me and we hit the deck of my SS SUV with tinted windows and radio gear and guns and all. I never really was too scared cuz they are like Big Guys and we have neener Get-A-Way Privileges when the little people act up or terrorist guys go bonkers.
So I calls my mom and she says, "Where the H-E-double-toothpicks ARE YOU?"
"Mom," says I, "these SS dudes are like takin care of me. Chill!"
Mom says daddy is like really ticked cuz he is down under and can't come home. Then she calls back and says, Hey, not to worry, I pulled W's chain and Daddy's coming home on a military plane!
I sure woulda been scared there, if I'd been anywhere near Harm's Way, but my SS guys, they threw me onto a detour.
The end. Can I like go to the donkey college now? Oh, Oxford! I gotta remember that!
neener, adj. 1.(slang, often used with Get-A-Way Privileges)
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