Dodging Religious Door-To-Doors

Humor of the Day ^

[maxwell]

Yeah I was raised Baptist-- Reformed, though, not Southern... I'm assuming y'all are more mainstream, Anabaptist derivative... My folks are Calvinists, closer to Primitive Baptists (there's a name for ya, huh?!)...

You're making me hungry for macaroni casserole now, with all this Baptist talk!

[ksen]

Very sad, but true.

;^)

-ksen

[maxwell]

Actually it should be: Baptist - 5. One to change the bulb and 4 to complain about the new bulb and form another church with the old bulb.

Ain't that the truth. I think my folks split off with half a dozen churches before my dad finally got one of his own...

Not all Presbyterians are like that. The PCA church I go to when I'm not too hungover doesn't dig fags. I hear an anti-flamer sermon about every other time I go there.

[ksen]

Actually, we are independent Baptists. No denominational affiliations.

I've found that our church will never let pass an opportunity to have a potluck supper. As a Baptist, I've never gone hungry. ;^)

-ksen

[freeeee]

I used to like to answer the door holding a beer, or a bottle of Jim Beam. I would be wearing underwear, or be naked. Then many visitors began bringing children with them so I felt this method was inappropriate.

So I came up with a much better method. I would agree to read whatever it was they had, if and only if, in exchange they would read Carl Sagan's "Demon Haunted World". I would invite them back in a week or two to discuss what we both had read. None of them ever want to make the deal, and with that I wish them a nice day and close the door.

[MassExodus]

Now THAT was hillarious!

[Undivided Heart]

I just ask them for their first names and tell 'em I must leave now to get on my knees to pray them out of their cult. Works everytime, they give me a look that could kill, and they take my house off their list.

Funny, but so true.

[maxwell]

independent Baptists

Soooo... do y'all have altar calls? That's pretty much my litmus test for Calvinist/Free-willers...

That's it, I'm having mac-and-cheese tonight. Closest thing I can make to Baptist casserole, haha... My folks switched churches so many times, we didn't really have many opportunities for big ol' church picnics and such... [sigh]

[anton]

I bring my siamese to the door and repeat every sentence slowly to the cat. Any response by "Pedro" I translate as his being disturbed by the callers remarks:

Pedro is disturbed by your statement . . . I don't think he wants to hear any more of this . . . you'll have to excuse us . . thank you for stopping by"

[slhill]

An old joke goes along the lines of the JWs coming knocking on the door of Chaim Yankel. He opens it. "Good morning" they say, "we're from the Jehovah's Witnesses". "That's nice" he replies as he shuts the door, "tell him I hope he wins his case".

[tiki]

Just from experience, rattlesnakes do seem to stay in pairs. Where you kill one watch out for the other.

[Looking4Truth]

Usually a polite "No thanks, I'm not interested" followed by quickly closing the door will work.

But this is today's world, isn't it?

Then theres always "Release the hounds".

For the pesky ones, dress up in camos with your face camo'ed and jerk the door open, look up at the sky and exclaim "What's the frequency, Kenneth?", then dive out the door into the shrubs.

Best I can do before AM coffee.

[anniegetyourgun]

I know, but we are also to pray for the lost - so I do exactly what I tell these folks I'm going to do after they leave and I have their first names. It's getting easier now since many around here have taken to wearing nametags.

[Looking4Truth]

My favorite ploy with telemarketers is to listen to their spiel, then politely ask them to repeat it. Then politely ask them to repeat it again, etc., etc.

OR tell 'em your busy and ask for their home phone so you can call them back later.

[ez2muz]

"...What goes around, comes around. Or, if you like, think of it as going for good karma rather than bad karma. Or as a mitzvah, being kind. Or as your Christian duty to turn the other cheek. Or simple good manners."
Good post.
I always find these threads very revealing. Christians, such as yourself, show their Christian colors. The pompous fanatics who are more in love with their high-and-mightyness than their Almighty spew every non-Christian tripe one can think of.
Either show a genuine interest in them as fellow-humans or simply say, "No thank you."

To be clear, I don't like intrusions on my time in my home either. My response depends on my mood; but it's always clothed in the wisdom of "doing unto others."