I was almost dead two months short of my 23rd birthday. The day after Easter Sunday of 1985, I entered a drug rehab center of my own free will. I weighed 115 lbs. I am 6' tall; was then, too. I almost died when I was being detoxed; they did'nt know what to give me to wean me off the varieties of crap I had in my system. The next 7 years I spent a lot of time in 12 step meetings. I was a counselor and resident manager at a long term treatment center. And I began to get an idea that something better than me was out there. First, it was the people in the meetings; they were actually not getting loaded and seemed to be having a good life not getting loaded. I noticed some people seemed happier than others; and some seemed like complete "clymers". I was in the last group. I found out first hand that when take the drugs out of an "f'ed up a$$hole", you are left with a straight... That does'nt feel too good.
The people that seemed the happiest were those that talked about the spiritual side of "The Program", and those that were the most miserable were firmly grounded in "working The Program". From may of 1986 to october of 1987 I read the Bible, Koran, Book of Mormon and Dao of Buddha cover to cover. I also read a lot of the Vishnayus too, but stopped about a third of the way through the translation I had. It all seemed like nonsense. I remained a selfish clymer for a great many more years, reading more, getting smarter and dumber at the same time.
Then G-d got my attention. He did it by (nearly literally) grabbing me by the short hairs. My girlfriend became one of those "damm Born Agains" despite my best efforts to convince her about how stupid some one had to be to "believe in Christ". She did'nt buy it, because the people who witnessed to her never preached the Bible to her, never called her relationship with me sinful, never acted judgemental. They simply lived their lives. My girlfriend noticed that these were the happiest people she had evr seen, and that I was not happy at all. She chose wisely, and broke up with me.
At that point, I needed to find out what in the world could be better than me, so I started attending teaching sessions this guy put on. I asked questions. I probed. I poked. I trotted out all the classical objections to christianity; many of which are reprised on this forum. I thought this guy was nuts. I ended up in Tuscon AZ, on the 4th of July in 1992, and this man preached the gospel to me for eight hours straight. I had never heard ANYONE explain G-d's plan for the world in such terms. I flew back to San Francisco pondering, but not convinced.
I got home, pulled out the King James Bible I owned and challenged G-d; "If you are really there, show me something in this book that will convince me to accept you". The book fellopen to Luke Chapter 15. Verse 13 REALLY got my attention ("wasted his substance with riotous living"), and by the time I got to verse 32, I had tears in my eyes. I knew then that there was a G-d that loved me, that he would forgive me, and that I needed to humble myself to Him.
The years since then have been good, except for when I am not focused on G-d. I am quite a bit less of a clymer now than I have been since I was 15. I like spreading the gospel in whatever small way I can, I have found a good church with a pastor who teaches the Bible verse by verse (2 1/2 YEARS in IPeter!), and I get to do some ministry in ways that I find interesting.
BTW, the girlfriend that broke up with me in May of 1992 has borne me two children and we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary in November.
Thank you for your forebearence; I obviously am not witty tonight, since this did not display brevity.
G-d Bless you, Uriel975, I'll sure keep my eyes peeled for your screen name in the forum.