Posted on 09/13/2001 1:55:57 PM PDT by madprof98
DEAR ABBY: At our Halloween party last year, which included both parents and children, my brother and I somewhat jokingly debated the two presidential candidates. My brother was for Bush. I was for Gore.
Sometime during the evening, my then 11-year-old daughter asked me why her uncle was for Bush and I was for Gore. I explained why I was for Gore and gave her four or five reasons. She asked again why her uncle was for Bush. I told her to go ask him.
During the merriment of the evening, I forgot about the subject until we were on the way home and my daughter asked me how I could think that killing a little baby was OK. I was speechless! I asked her where she had gotten such an idea. She said her uncle had told her that Gore thought it was OK to kill babies, and if I was voting for him, so did I. I tried to explain about a woman's right to choose -- and that I DO think a woman should have that choice, but I was so shocked I hardly knew how to defend myself.
It has been nearly a year now. Ever since that night my daughter has been very distant toward me. I have tried to talk to her about it several times, but she refuses to discuss it.
I'm at my wit's end. My daughter is now 12 and our closeness has been destroyed. I found out her class made Mother's Day cards, but my daughter never gave hers to me. There are no more hugs and kisses at bedtime -- just "good night."
What can I do? I love my daughter with all my heart. I'd give anything to have her the way she was before.
-- DESTROYED MOTHER IN DALLAS
DEAR DESTROYED MOTHER: Sit your daughter down and tell her that the subject of a woman's right to choose is a controversial one, and that it is OK if she disagrees with you about it. It's a topic about which everyone has to make up her (or his) own mind. Her uncle thinks the way he does, and you love him in spite of it.
Explain that you are not in favor of killing babies, but that you feel it is important for a woman to have the right to choose. Some women's lives have been saved because they were legally empowered to make that choice. It wasn't always the case.
Tell her that as she grows older, you want her to examine her reasons for feeling the way she does about this subject -- but you also want her to be open to different points of view, because there are more than one, and people have a right to their own opinions. It may not heal the breach your brother has caused, but it's a beginning.
And finally, I urge you to talk to your daughter's uncle about this entire situation. He could help a great deal by reinforcing what you have said -- and he should. He was out of line from the beginning for having given your daughter his inflammatory answer to her question.
No it doesn't. The brother could easily explain that Bush not a woman hater, but that some people think he is because they are afraid he will do something to stop them from killing babies. Their opinion of him is not based in truth. But Gore does IN FACT support the killing of babies... he would proudly call himself pro-choice. One side has an opinion, the other side has a fact. An eleven year old could understand that.
...it is not appropriate for an adult to try and undermine the relationship of a child and her parent...to make their children question their authority or love. It is simply wrong to drawn an 11 yr. old into a situation like that.
1. You're assuming he was trying to undermine their relationship by telling the truth, not a lie or even a distortion.
2. Her mother had/has ample opportunity to explain her position to her daughter. Apparently, she couldn't. She's the adult who undermined their relationship, not her brother.
3. If the mother supported puppy torture and wanted to vote for the pro-puppy torture candidate, I don't think 11 is too young to learn what your mother supports. After all, shouldn't Mom be proud of her puppy torture position and be able to explain why puppy torture is a good thing?
I know you're pro-life, but I disagree with your opinion that the uncle was out of line.
Husband of Artist
You raised a daughter with morals than you have... Kudos.
When I was 11, my church showed graphic slides of aborted babies during mass. Those images were indelibly imprinted on my young, impressionable mind, and I've always been thankful for that. My mother was pro-life, so that's never been an issue between us, but even if it had been, I think that it was far more important for me to know the truth than potentially disagree with my mother.
Many young girls don't know the truth about abortion, and end up aborting their babies....only to wake up to the truth years later. Then they are tortured by what they've done for the rest of their lives. This particular child may have very well been spared that fate....thanks to her uncle.
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