Posted on 09/09/2001 9:06:35 AM PDT by SAMWolf
FINALLY, a way to know what to throw-out and what to save! Perfect for this coming holiday leftover season!
THE GAG TEST:
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except if they are leftovers from a meal that made you gag in the first place).
EGGS:
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. By the way--"Green Eggs And Ham", is a fictional children's book, not a cook book.
DAIRY PRODUCTS:
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind before.
MAYONNAISE:
Just assume that it is spoiled Mayonnaise isn't a food, it's a weapon.
FROZEN FOODS:
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the freezer compartment and/or have more crystals than a geologists desk drawer are most likely spoiled.
EXPIRATION DATES:
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT:
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
BREAD:
Sesame seeds and poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
FLOUR:
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
CANNED GOODS:
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS:
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
RAISINS:
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
POTATOES:
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
CHIP DIP:
If your chips dissolves on contact, and/or refuses to penetrate the upper crust of the container, it has gone bad.
EMPTY CONTAINERS:
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.
Teenagers are masters at putting empty containers back in to the refridgerator.
I've heard that but I have really good kids...they always leave at least a swallow in the container.
I'm hoping no one but me will notice 'cheese' is mentioned in this post. 'cuz cheese invariably leads to mooses. Or is it the other way 'round? Hey, it's Sunday!
Example: *Mom, is this milk ok?*.....response...*Taste it and find out!*
These are simple decisions that can be made without my involvment....why am I the expert?
Even when I am not here to confer with, they will put it back for the next person to discover that it is indeed spoiled.
No one throws anything away in my house.....maybe this rant should be on the thread that deals with *Things that drive you crazy.*
http://backtable.org/~blade/fnord/condiments.html
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