The root cause of air rage: airlines

Toronto Sun ^ | 9 September 2001 | ERIC MARGOLIS, Contributing Foreign Editor

[aculeus]

Modern air travel offers all the joys of prison, plus the chance to crash - as passengers packed into an Air Transat charter flight discovered recently when their aircraft ran out of fuel over the Atlantic and barely managed to reach the Azores.

When I was young, you bought a moderately priced ticket from your nice neighbourhood travel agent, dressed up in your best clothes, and leisurely boarded a flight on which "economy" seats were as wide and well-spaced as those in today's business class. Pretty, young stewardesses smiled and waited on you.

These days, air travel has become Sovietized: monopoly carriers that treat passengers like convicts; surly flight crews who act like prison guards; nightmarish airports that have become aero-gulags; and cattle-car flights on which you can contract such cosmopolitan maladies as deep vein thrombosis, TB, meningitis, Asian scrofula, Zambezi River fever and Meniere's disease.

In short, Soviet service at capitalist prices. North American air carriers increasingly resemble the USSR's national airline, Aeroflot (known to pilots as "aeroplop"), notorious for outrageous delays, mysterious cancellations, equipment failure and passenger abuse. The main difference: the old Aeroflot used to charge peanuts for flights, while today's monopolistic mega-carriers gouge their customers before tormenting them.

Air carriers have adopted a whole new jargon designed to make fleecing the public easier:

* Hubs - Centralized prison camps into which air travelers are funneled, dumped and often forgotten. If your connection time in any of these modern gulags is less than 2.5 hours, chances are 87.3% your luggage will remain behind, or end up in Papua New Guinea.

* Code Sharing - Airline doubletalk for cartel. Supposedly competing airlines divvy up business, sharing routes and revenue. Airlines manage to get away with it due to big political contributions. I was once booked to Paris on Air France. To my horror, the flight turned out to be a code share on Air Togo, the carrier of a very small, obscure African country run by His Excellency, President-for-Life Omar Bongo. Flyers to Moscow on Delta beware: you could end up on son of Aeroflot.

* Direct Flights - You'd think "direct" means going from A to B, but not in air lingo. I'm planning a flight to Hong Kong. The airline schedule says "direct," but when you read the ultra-fine print, there's a refreshing, 1.5-hour stop at beautiful Anchorage, Alaska airport at 3:30 a.m.

MAKE 'EM MISERABLE

* Business Class - The 21st century version of economy class of the 1960s and '70s. Today's economy-steerage class is a purgatory cleverly created by airlines to make passengers so miserable that those with any money are forced to fly outrageously expensive business class.

* First Class - Only affordable by government officials, heads of charities, movie stars and the UN.

* Rental Cars - An integral part of air travel, and a brilliant idea thought up in 1945 by Warren Avis. Hertz and Avis have good service in North America, but a warning to travelers: Hertz in Europe is totally unreliable. Over the past three years, Hertz has fouled up every reservation I had in Europe, never had the right cars, and told me to go to hell (or to Chicago-O'Hare airport, take your pick) when I complained. This year in Rome, when I went to Hertz to pick up my specially reserved Alfa Romeo sports car, I was offered a blue Euro-Disney family van, and told "Take it or leave it."

* Fares - Travel agents used to help get you the best fares. But now that warm-hearted airlines are trying to destroy these small businesses by cutting their commissions, you have to figure fares yourself. This, however, is easy. First, go to the Oracle of Delphi for basic fare structure. Then fax it to Madame Lazonga, the gypsy fortune teller in Bucharest, then consult the Tibetan Book of the Dead, multiply by .07654, divide by pi, and send the results by river steamer to the Fare Calculation Centre in Bobo Dioulasso, Burkino Faso (formerly Upper Volta), and await your answer.

SATURDAY IN OSHKOSH

* Ticket Restrictions - These are "discount" fares that prevent you from flying on Fridays, even-numbered days, Greek saints' birthdays, during half-moons, in the morning or afternoon, any time around holidays, and when the airlines have lots of business. To get slightly less punitive fares, business travelers must spend Saturday night in Oshkosh or Pickle Lake, attend church the next morning and sing Oh Susannah in Turkestani.

* Air Rage - The result of imprisonment, torture, mental abuse, fear, uncertainty, intolerable crowding, pig swill meals, lost luggage, surly staffs, filthy air and screaming babies - who should be put in the back of the plane. Humans behave just like rats packed into a maze. The next step after air rage: mass cannibalism.

* Air - A substance too precious to be lavished on passengers. Caring airlines have cut down fresh air in their aircraft by 50% to save heating it, making their planes one of the best places on Earth to catch airborne diseases.

Hats off to the brilliant airline CEOs who managed to turn once elegant, enjoyable air travel into pestilential prisons in the sky.

[a_federalist]

I'd laugh except I've experienced the gulag. I remember once going to Denver airport I no sooner got through the door to find the United counter when some hall monitor nazi was screaming at me to get in the proper line.
It went downhill from there.

[LS]

As a frequent air traveler, and one who traveled with a small child many years ago, what this fellow says is to some extent true. BUT:

We need to remember that in the "good old days" that he describes, the REAL constant-dollar price of a "coach/business/economy" ticket in today's prices would be in four figures for almost any major hop. Compare that with America West, $329 from Columbus Ohio to Phoenix AZ. The reason the meals are worse and the seats smaller is that more people fly; and more people fly becuase it is cheaper than ever.

I fully agree that the airlines treat you like dog-doo, largely because you are involved in a McDonald's situation---you are getting a Happy Meal but still expecting Spago. It isn't going to happen.

Now, you could argue (as we do) that there is a NICHE for people willing to pay a little more for a little higher-class service. But on any given flight, there just aren't enough of "us" (them) to justify allocating entirely separate airlines, just as if you have ONE restaurant to put in a town, it won't be a top-drawer facility until you have met the needs of the "masses."

Where I get irate is with overbooking and bumping, especially when I have a ticket. An attorney explained this to me---because, silly me, I thought a ticket was a contract for that particular seat at that time. Nope. If you read the fine print, a ticket is a contract to get you from one place to another, end of story. There are no constraints on when and how they transport you. In theory, if the airplane broke and the airline hires Greyhoud to bus you there, it has fulfilled its contract.

Believe me, no one understands the economics of overbooking more than I do, but there must be a way through "pay up front, non-refundable tickets" to ensure that even if no one shows up to actually fly, the airline can make its money flying empty with pre-purchased tickets.

Now, if you did this, you know who would complain the most and probably file lawsuits is the people who are waiting for "standby," (which you couldn't technically have any more). They would whine that the airlines are "selling out to the highest bidders" like land barons and that "the common people don't have a chance to fly anymore."

Finally a recent study by several economists of the air situation concludes that the airlines are actually doing a pretty good job, but the cause of so many delays, overbookings, waits on the tarmac, and so on, are an insufficient number of AIRPORTS. Since we Americans have gotten so used to having the damn GOVERNMENT build these things, we should expect to have inadequate airports. We need a system of private jet-airliner-capable airfields which can make a profit from their operations.

[DugwayDuke]

"The airline schedule says "direct," but when you read the ultra-fine print, there's a refreshing, 1.5-hour stop at beautiful Anchorage, Alaska airport at 3:30 a.m."

I agree with everything in this article except this. Having flown US to Japan maybe 10 or 15 times, trust me, the Anchorage airport is something to look forward to. It usually takes about 6 to 8 hours to get to Anchorage from most US airports. It's still another 7 or 8 hours flight time to Japan. It's refreshing to spend a few minutes walking around the airport while the plane is serviced. BTW, the ice cream cones are pretty good there.

[grannie9]

How true, how true, how very very true. Something I used to love to do, is now forced on me with horror, fear, and outright disgust.

[RightOnline]

I've grown to hate air travel...............and I'm a former pilot, for pete's sake. The author is a bit melodramatic (literary license, let's call it...), but many of the points are pretty accurate.

Somehow, I always seem to get stuck in the middle seat between two huge, fat, sweaty guys..............or next to the Plane Drunk. Stories are countless, so I'll save y'all the details. Just un-bloody-believable.

.........and those *%^&$#*&$#ed little bags of peanuts. They'd better start issuing scissors with 'em.........

[strela]

I believe it is the Anchorage airport that has that great view of a range of mountain peaks. I remember a layover somewhere in Alaska on the way to Japan (Anchorage, I think). I was transfixed by the picture postcard-like view of bald eagles soaring around the snow-capped peaks.

[NoControllingLegalAuthority]

as passengers packed into an Air Transat charter flight discovered recently when their aircraft ran out of fuel over the Atlantic and barely managed to reach the Azores.

Running out of fuel over the ocean creates those memories you can share with others for a lifetime. It also allows for a quiet descent and approach to the airport in the Azores. It also sharpens those praying skills.

[MosesKnows]

The government and the airlines are surprised to learn that people treated like animals begin to act like animals.

[AndyJackson]

What peanuts? They haven't served peaunuts in a long time. Just little broken up bits of salty crackers and pretzels. The in flight entertainment is figuring out how to open the little kevlar fiber impregnated bag.

My biggest complaint is the lies - like lying about the time when the replacement plane will show up will get you to your "hub" for your connecting flight before the airport closes for the night.

[Kozak]

Where I get irate is with overbooking and bumping, especially when I have a ticket. An attorney explained this to me---because, silly me, I thought a ticket was a contract for that particular seat at that time. Nope. If you read the fine print, a ticket is a contract to get you from one place to another, end of story. There are no constraints on when and how they transport you.

 

Yup, thats the one that fries my butt.  I think I bought a seat on a plane. What I really bought is is a LOTTERY ticket.  If I'm lucky I get to fly on that plane, if not.....

[RightOnline]

"Running out of fuel over the ocean creates those memories you can share with others for a lifetime. It also allows for a quiet descent and approach to the airport in the Azores. It also sharpens those praying skills."

Also provides ample opportunity for ground crews to practice removing seat cushions from anal orifices.

[cynicom]

When cattle fly, they have to be treated with a prod, works everytime.

[Great Dane]

Good read and every word true, travel used to be a pleasure, it's now an ordeal....... even when econo class is $1.000 for a 6 hour flight.

The airlines have admitted that as a priority, passengers are waaayyy down the line, matter of fact near the bottom.

[I am still Casey]

No, no, no. The title of this article has it all wrong.

The cause of air rage is alcohol. Just ask Diane Feinstein. She knows.

[Jerry W. Howard]

If you ride a cab across Manhattan, you pay around $75/hr to ride in a crapped out junkheap drive by a rude, smelly. non-English speaking incompetent bent on destroying you and himself in a constant fit of extreme road-rage. And if you tip less than 20% you risk a mugging or at least a cursing. On a flight from Chicago to Tokyo, the average passenger pays his drivers (the pilots) about $1.25/hr and they have to divide it between them. When did you last tip a flight crew. ***** Air travel today costs about 20% as much as it did 40 years ago and is more than 10 times as safe. What other commodity of any kind can compare with that? ***** If you want the service you demand it is possible: All we have to do is insist that all airlines meet the same standards the best majors uphold - no exceptions. Then take the actual cost per hour and set ticket prices based on that. All tickets are refundable only if cancelled in time for the seat to be sold to another passenger. No overbooking allowed, but anyone caught double-booking or no-showing except in actual emergency is barred from flying any airline for a year on the first offense and for life for a second offense. "Special" passengers required to pay actual cost of carrying them. Sure, we want everyone to have access to travel, but have you ever considered that the costs are shared by regular passengers. And what about the nuts constantly suing for the right to carry their pet pig? ****** As a passenger you have bought, at a very good price, the right to safe reliable air travel. You have not bought the right to treat airline staff as serfs. Would you treat your daughter like you treat your flight attendant?

[tom paine 2]

bttt

[jedi150]

No, no, no. The title of this article has it all wrong. The cause of air rage is alcohol. Just ask Diane Feinstein. She knows.

Wrong on this statement, it's because Americans have the right to own handguns. Air rage and every other scourge that modern society can manifest is due to this.

[nsmart]

People like me who traveled by air every week for over 3 years can tell you stories that would make your hair stand on end. That is not the point. As I see it, competition is lacking and that is the problem. If we could remove the regulations to allow real competition, I think you would see "manners" improve.

[eno_]

This is an area where I, a generally non-church-going nominally Protestant Christian find a grasp of religion to be very useful. Instead of swearing at the lying scum, I now tell them their souls are probably condemned to Hell for lying to so amny people, day in day out. I find they are deeply disturbed by this since they are generally very badly educated and easily manipulated by psychological terror. I am tempted to make up some exotic Asian religion with interesting voodoo curses for this purpose if plain old hellfire does not do the trick.

Remember, you can't hit them or even threaten to do so, but physcological terror and torture is completely in bounds. And they have an 800 number, so it is on their dime.