Wow.. you are locked and loaded for attack. Sad in as sad to live without trust. That is truly sad and someone obviously destroyed that for you. That is sad because it destroys your personal peace.
I have plenty of personal peace everyday, and have for the past 20 years that I’ve been retired. I’m the last one of my family, and my only goal now, is to not outlive my sons. I hope you can achieve some of the personal peace that God has been kind enough to grant me.