OKay, the Ukes are being pushed into a corner in their existential war. Here is what those 8 conditions will look like when they build their own nukes and set one off in a Russian city:
1. Forswear joining NATO
***That’s up to the Ukes and NATO, thank you very much.
2. Enscribe “neutrality” into Constitution
***The Ukes really want this anyways. They wanted neutrality from NATO and from Russia. They simply want to be left alone, but they’ve been invaded twice after relinquishing nuclear weapons. They never woulda been invaded if they had kept those nukes.
3. Recognize Russian sovereignty over Crimea
***Every last citizen of Russia to walk back home, leaving behind every valuable and every piece of military equipment. Russia will acknowledge Uke sovereignty AGAIN like they did in the Budapest Agreement and will pay sanctions for this invasion. The UN shall set up a buffer zone in Russian Territory about 10 miles wide, to prevent future invasions. They will withdraw 1 mile per decade until 100 years from now there will be no UN personnel and no buffer zone.
4. Recognize Independence of the Donbass Republics
***Russia to recognize that they had almost zero interest in these areas until oil was discovered there. Majority areas of Donbass Republics will be granted self-sovereignty after a plebiscite 10 years from now but they will not ever get one petrodollar from one drop of oil.
5. Remove neo-NAZI elements from Government and Armed Forces
***They’ll get right on it. It was mostly just an excuse to invade.
6. Remove American-sponsored biological weapons labs
***Never heard of them. Certainly before there was this invasion. Ukes will allow UN inspectors to investigate over a one month period and then the UN guys go home.
7. De-militarize, stop acting like the forward base for invasion of Russia
***Russia to leave every last bit of military equipment, down to the last bullet, on Uke soil and military personnel will walk home with the clothes on their backs & 3 days’ supply of food, escorted by UN bluehelmet weenies.
8. (unstated) Resignation of Zelenskyy
***Putin will resign for the good of Humanity.