Hah!
I’ll swipe my cat’s ass and send it in.
This sounds like a good way to hype the case numbers.
You don’t send anything in. You swab your nose or your cat’s ass, dunk the swab in a little test tube of reagent, then drop a certain number of drops in a little hole in the test strip.
You wait 15 minutes, and if a red line shows up on the strip, it’s a positive. All in your home and you don’t have to report it to anyone, positive or negative.