[SuperLuminal]

Definitely a "good" news item... Of course, my preferences for the rewards he should receive, in rank order:

1. Death;
2. Testicles Minced;
3. Attacked by Lorena Bobbit;
4. All teeth lost;
5. Tongue split;
6. Raped by moochelle; or,
7. Loss of citizenship and immediate deportation to either Somali or southern Yemen...

In the interest of compassion and decency, if #1 is not awarded, then items 2-7 would each be awarded on a daily basis over a period of seven days...

[Secret Agent Man]

I like your list.

In that same spirit, write out the list for a female terrorist thug that lost an eye. Make it as good.