So the parents may still hope that he goes to jail for his whole life? Would they be "ok" if he walked out of jail today, as free as a bird? I understand that forgiveness is about "me" and not the wrong-doer, otherwise, as you say, one will be eaten alive by rage and thoughts of revenge.
I am truly looking for my own practical, working definition of "forgiveness" as I have yet to find an acceptable one.
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Eschewing personal vengeance because of the hope of a Righteous Judge.
If you are a Christian, you have Christ living in you. You have one purpose, namely to show forth his presence. You cannot do that, no matter how precise the definitions you have worked out for yourself. But Christ can. It’s the second half of the good news, the part that is largely ignored in practice.
Hope you can find a definition that satisfies you and that you can practice it in a way that makes you happy.
I suppose that the best I can offer is that you are releasing them from owing any debt to you to make up for the wrong they did.
It doesn’t mean they weren’t wrong, nor that you are wrong to see the injustice or even feel angry about it. Wrong is wrong even when it happens to you. One of the best tricks of the enemy is that he tells us that if we forgive the person that we’re saying that what the other person did doesn’t matter or that we’re being overly sensitive or taking it wrong. He tries to put the blame back on us and then guilt trip us over it.
It’s getting out of the way so God can deal with them as He knows is best. Taking your hands off the matter and turning it over to Him.
Feelings will still need to be worked through and because of that, one may have to repeat many times that they were forgiven, as a reminder.
God says *Vengeance is mine, I will repay.* (Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”)
Much easier to say than to do. We all struggle with it and likely this family will too for a long time. These parents were right, and they didn’t sugar coat it or make excuses for what he did. It WAS evil and he did make a wrong decision.