There was a piper who was despondent about his piping. He decided to dispose of his pipes, and get some insurance money at the same time. He drove his old beater car to a bad part of town with his pipes in the back seat, and pulled into a 7/11. He rolled down the windows and left the motor running while he went inside for a coffee and a chat with the clerk.
He came out of the store quite some time later, expecting his car to have been stolen long since. To his horror, he discovered that not only was his car still there, but there was a second set of pipes in the back seat!
Good one!
Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The patient replies:
“Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race, Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my airm.”
HRH is confused, so he just smiles and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:
“Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit.”
Even more confused, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
“Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle.”
Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”
“No,” replies the doctor, “This is the serious Burns unit.”