I HARDLY think that would memorialize the TRUE spirit of the day! No. You have to reproduce the crime EXACTLY as the earth day founder! You can always get another wife. Now stop being a slacker, and get to work! How long will it take you to chase her down? (Perhaps this is unorthodox, but to redeem yourself, you could dismember her with a chainsaw -— I’m feeling magnanimous! Or is it just gas...)
Boy, you purists. I promise to do it for Earth Day next year, if someone will volunteer to marry me right after. Women only, and preferably after child-bearing years.