During the ten years that I lived in Minnestoopid, doctors were getting more and more intrusive questioning about guns. It was evident that politics were becoming more important versus professionalism. I finally gave the politically correct answer “No, I have no guns! Guns are scary and icky!” in a soy boy metrosexual tone.
"Heavens no, doctor, I can't stand guns. But I do carry a length of piano wire attached to two sticks at all times. Now, were there any other personally invasive questions you wanted to ask me?"