And now it’s time for, “Ask David Hogg”! (Wurlitzer flourish, here)
Dear David,
I’ve noticed lately, that my kitchen knives are cutting me WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE! I’ll just be innocently brushing my teeth at bedtime, and notice a tiny cut on one of my fingers. Thinking back, I’ll recall using a knife to cut up onions, or some other food, while preparing supper, but will be unable to recall the knife cutting me, AT ALL! I’m beginning to suspect a conspiracy, as this has happened more than once, and with DIFFERENT KNIVES! (Cue menacing music, here).
We’ve already done as you suggested, and rid the house of firearms, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to get rid of our knives! How will I make beenie weenies, or more importantly, how will I get that da*~ned plastic wrap off that head of lettuce!?? Should we just chuck it all, and eat baby food, instead? Please advise! I’m due to make an omelette in a few hours, and I’m terrified!
Aw yes, the South Carolina Hog needs to provide divine guidance for us mere mortals. But what has failed to be addressed in these discussions is ‘just what the hell would have happened if that kid had an assault knife? You know the electric kind. Mass destruction, especially if he had a high capacity electric cord, one that would stretch more than say 5 feet. What if it were to have 50 feet. Oh the humanity!!!!!
Thanks for the in kind humor.
You are smart to ask for wisdom from someone who wasn’t born yet in 2000. They know everything.