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Ted Kennedy was addressed by three separate liquor store owners as “the guy who paid for my houseboat.”

Ted Kennedy entered his liver in a Tough Man competition.

Ted Kennedy was shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.

Ted Kennedy didn’t sniff the cork, he chewed it.

Ted Kennedy like a splash of coffee in his morning whiskey.

Ted Kennedy was kept awake at night by the sound of his liver crying.

Ted Kennedy always drank Irish Coffee for breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol.

Ted Kennedy never drank anything stronger than vodka before breakfast.

If it weren’t for the olives in his martinis, Ted Kennedy would have starved to death.

When Ted Kennedy spirits got low, he used a straw.

Ted Kennedy drank a bottle of wine every day. Unless he was sick. Then he drank two.

Ted Kennedy gave directions with liquor stores and bars as the major landmarks, i.e., “You’ll pass Argonaut’s Liquors on the left and Scooter’s on the right, then turn right on the street between the Satire Lounge and the Lion’s Lair, then continue until you see the tree that looks like a huge martini glass.”