Posted on 02/17/2018 11:35:35 AM PST by Albion Wilde
Here's how one schoolteacher takes time each week to look out for the lonely...
Every Friday afternoon, she asks her students to take out a piece of paper and write down the names of four children with whom they’d like to sit the following week. The children know that these requests may or may not be honored. She also asks the students to nominate one student who they believe has been an exceptional classroom citizen that week. All ballots are privately submitted to her.
And every single Friday afternoon, after the students go home, she takes out those slips of paper, places them in front of her, and studies them. She looks for patterns.
Who is not getting requested by anyone else?
Who can’t think of anyone to request?
Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?
Who had a million friends last week and none this week?
You see, Chase’s teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or “exceptional citizens.” Chase’s teacher is looking for lonely children....
(Excerpt) Read more at rd.com ...
That’s nonsense.
I hate to break it to you but some of the wealthiest self made people in the world are introverts .
(Use anything made by Apple ? Steve Jobs was an introvert)
Introvert does not equal antisocial .
It is not just one thing, it is a multifactorial or combination of things. Broken families are also Involved and I’m not suggesting every kid that plays the violence promoting games is going to be similarly affected. Guns were actually more accessible when I was a kid in the 60s. During hunting season, they were often brought to HS. I had my own rifle and revolver from the time I was 14. No one ever talked about shooting anyone.
I noted that there are exceptions.
I certainly don't have the power to insure that you face facts, much less understand them.
I never said or implied this teacher was intrusive. In fact I said it might work well in the hands of an individual. As an insight into one caring person it is very touching.
I objected to suggesting that all teachers should use this method. So many things in life depend on the motivation of the individual and there are a great many teachers with motivations that are not based on good of the student but on their own desire for control & power.
I can see it backfiring for some children too as kids would have a new anxiety, will anyone pick me?, I pick Jimmy every week and I never sit next to him? My husband’s response was that it would be a playground taunt...”Pick me!” “I’ll never pick you, Johnny!” “Me Neither.” “Nobody pick Johnny!”
Your point?
You can’t change introverts into extroverts.
You obviously had no such program and thus you grew up to be the troubled individual that you are today..........If only........
FWIW, I feel sorry for you bro, I really do..........
You can deny it all you want but your comments throughout your history here reveal more about you than you think.
Sometimes after reading an article it helps to do a search on the antithetical position. Especially now when so much research is self serving bunk.
Researchers from ghSmart, a Chicago-based consultancy firm, spent ten years analysing the personalities of 2,000 CEOs and reached the conclusion that the majority of the successful ones were introverts.
This flies in the face of the image most people have of a typical charismatic, confident, extroverted leader.
The study is called the CEO Genome Project.
“When we flip on the news, or check our social media feeds, we are bombarded with images of well-groomed, Ivy league-educated icons of the Fortune 100,” the study authors write. “And we can’t help but think, I could never be them.
“In fact, they come from surprisingly varied backgrounds. Of the six million CEOs of companies in America, only seven per cent went to an elite school—and eight per cent didn’t graduate college at all. Some are immigrants; many worked their way up through the ranks from entry-level positions.”
From Harvard Business Review.
https://hbr.org/2017/05/what-sets-successful-ceos-apart
I don’t think a teacher needs to go through that much trouble to identify “lonely” students. They are very easy to spot in the classroom and in the overall school environment.
So much Psychobabble! There is no way anyone could evaluate that or prove that. If one kid was reached by one teacher, the kid's destiny was not changed. I love the movie, "it's a Wonderful Life", but there is no way to know if one child was never born that the whole community is lost. Just as there is no way to know if one teacher asks a few questions that a serial killer was saved from his "destiny."
Amen...Thank you! Extroverts get their energy from others, and Introverts get their energy from being alone... therefore, Extroverts will suck the energy from any Introvert, who spends time with them! :)
Thanks for your worthy points.
[[It is not just one thing, it is a multifactorial or combination of things. Broken families are also Involved and I’m not suggesting every kid that plays the violence promoting games is going to be similarly affected. Guns were actually more accessible when I was a kid in the 60s. During hunting season, they were often brought to HS. I had my own rifle and revolver from the time I was 14. No one ever talked about shooting anyone.]]
Growing up my girl friends older brothers went hunting after school . Their guns were in their trucks when they went to school . I learned to shoot young too and no one shot each.
Maybe with a bb gun by accident every once in a while but kids did not do this to each other. We even watched violent cartoons and read comic books . You are right most people had two parents (very important)
We don’t know about this kids background . He was adopted and he is 19. He was born at time when cocaine use was really heavy in South Florida (I lived there then and I can tell you almost everyone did drugs and I didn’t that was one of the reasons I played so much with computers and video games ) Lot of factors can contribute to stuff but drugs is huge part of why there are so many screwed up kids today.
I took care of a few kids whose parents were drug addicts when they were born and I can tell you that were nothing like my own children . Their thinking is really screwed up . One of these kids was one of my nephews and he is ok now but it took a lot to straighten that kid out and I had to set a lot of limits .
I did play Quake and I did let my kids play games but I did not let them play FPS (we had a blast playing Mario Kart and stuff like that )
In ALL his intro to psych classes and a lot of his English classes--he helped hundreds of introverts become more outgoing and confident socially.
The first day of class, he'd say that IF they were shy and wanted to remain shy--they needed to take a different prof.
He structured the seating in a horseshoe no more than 3 rows deep.
The first 20 minutes students filled out "attendance cards" which were 4 X 6" cards with 8-10 questions. The rest of the 20 min was Qx interacting with students regarding their responses to the questions. The questions were about the chapter of the text but mostly also about relationship stuff.
Qx always had the highest student eval scores. Students said his class was the only fun one; or the only worthwhile class; the only practical class etc.
NONE of the shy students in all those classes left with their shyness being such a dominant feature of their life as it had been at the beginning of the semester. Such students were freely asking questions and volunteering comments by the end of the semester.
In short, for 30+ years, Qx proved your assertions above very inaccurate.
Folks seem to fail to realize how transparent they are—even on a site like this.
I might have agreed with you until I was taught how to use statistical analysis in manufacturing production, including the actions of workers. All of us have unconscious biases and blind spots that may keep us from seeing some of the things that, in hindsight, are said to have “fallen through the cracks.”
It is still quite consistent with such research that MOST introverts do not have such an experience in their lives.
The research was solid. Certainly there are exceptions but the commonality, prevalence of that issue was shocking, to the researchers.
When I see the term “psychobabble,” I usually brace myself for a lot of ignorant blather to follow.
Thanks Albion Wilde.
Three Letters from Teddy
Elizabeth Silance Ballard
Teddy’s letter came today and now that I’ve read it, I will place it in my cedar chest with the other things that are important to my life.
"I wanted you to be the first to know."
I smiled as I read the words he had written and my heart swelled with pride that I had no right to feel.
I have not seen Teddy Stallard since he was a student in my fifth grade class fifteen years ago. It was early in my career, and I had only been teaching for two years.
From the first day he stepped into my classroom, I disliked Teddy. Teachers (although everyone knows differently) are not supposed to have favorites in a class, but most especially are not supposed to show dislike for a child, any child.
Nevertheless, every year there are one or two children that one cannot help but be attached to, for teachers are human, and it is human nature to like bright, pretty, intelligent people, whether they are ten years old or twenty-five. And sometimes, not too often, fortunately, there will be one or two students to whom the teacher just can’t seem to relate.
I had thought myself quite capable of handling my personal feelings along that line until Teddy walked into my life. There wasn’t a child I particularly liked that year, but Teddy, was most assuredly the one I disliked.
He was dirty. Not just occasionally, but all the time. His hair hung down low over his ears, and he actually had to hold it out of his eyes as he wrote papers in class. (And this was before it was fashionable to do so!) Too, he had a peculiar odor about him which I could never identify.
His faults were many, and his intellect left a lot to be desired, also. By the end of the first week I knew he was hopelessly behind the others. Not only was he behind; he was just plain slow! I began to withdraw from him immediately.
Any teacher will tell you that it’s more of a pleasure to teach a bright child. It is definitely more rewarding for one’s ego. But any teacher worth her credentials can channel work to the bright child, keeping him challenged and learning, while she puts her major effort on the slower ones. Any teacher can do this. Most teachers do it, but I didn’t, not that year.
In fact, I concentrated on my best students and let the others follow along as best they could. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I took perverse pleasure in using my red pen; and each time I came to Teddy’s paper, the cross marks (and there were many ) were always a little larger and a little redder than necessary.
"Poor work!" I would write with a flourish.
While I did not actually ridicule the boy, my attitude was obviously quite apparent to the class, for he quickly became the class "goat" the outcast; the unlovable and the unloved.
He knew I didn’t like him, but he didn’t know why. Nor did I know then or now, why I felt such an intense dislike for him. All I know is that he was a little boy no one cared about and I made no effort on his behalf.
The days rolled by. We made it through the Fall Festival and the Thanksgiving holidays, and I continued marking happily with my red pen.
As Christmas holidays approached, I knew that Teddy would never catch up in time to be promoted to the sixth grade level. He would be a repeater.
To justify myself, I went to his cumulative folder from time to time. He had very low grades for the first four years, but no grade failure. How he had made it, I didn’t know. I closed my mind to the personal remarks.
First grade: Teddy shows promise by work and attitude, but has poor home situation. Second grade: Teddy could do better. Mother terminally ill. He receives little help at home. Third grade: Teddy is a pleasant boy. Helpful, but too serious. Slow learner. Mother passed away end of the year. Fourth grade: Very slow, but well behaved. Father shows no interest.
"Well, they had passed him four times, but he will certainly repeat fifth grade! Do him good!" I said to myself.
And then the last day before the holiday arrived. Our little tree on the reading table sported paper and popcorn chains. Many gifts were heaped underneath, waiting for the big moment.
Teachers always get several gifts at Christmas, but mine that year seemed bigger and more elaborate than ever. There was not a student who had not brought one. Each unwrapping brought squeals of delight, and the proud giver would receive effusive thank-you’s.
His gift was in the middle of the pile. Its wrapping was a brown paper bag, and he had colored Christmas trees and red balls all over it. It was stuck together with masking tape.
"For Miss Thompson, from Teddy", it read.
The group was completely silent and for the first time I felt conspicuous, embarrassed because they all stood watching me unwrap the gift.
As I removed the last bit of masking tape, two items fell to my desk: a gaudy rhinestone bracelet with several stones missing and a small bottle of dime-store cologne, half empty.
I could hear the snickers and whispers, and I wasn’t sure I could look at Teddy.
"Isn’t this lovely?" I asked, placing the bracelet on my wrist. "Teddy, would you help me fasten it?"
He smiled shyly he fixed the clasp, and I held up my wrist for all of them to admire.
There were a few hesitant ooh’s and ahh’s, but as I dabbed the cologne behind my ears, all the little girls lined up for a dab behind their ears.
I continued to open the gifts until I reached the bottom of the pile. We ate our refreshments, and the bell rang.
The children filed out with shouts of "See you next year!" and "Merry Christmas!" but Teddy waited at his desk.
When they had all left, he walked up to me, clutching his gift and books to his chest.
"You smell just like my mom" he said softly. "Her bracelet looks really pretty on you too. I’m glad you like it."
He left quickly. I locked the door, sat down at my desk, and wept, resolving to make up to Teddy what I had deliberately deprived him of---a teacher who cared.
I stayed every afternoon with Teddy from the end of Christmas holidays until the last day of school. Sometimes he worked alone while I drew up lesson plans or graded papers.
Slowly but surely he caught up with the rest of the class. In fact, his final averages were among the highest in the class, and although I knew he would be moving out of the state when school was out, I was not worried for him. Teddy had reached a level that would stand him in good stead the following year, no matter where he went. He had enjoyed a measure of success, and as we were taught in our teacher training courses, "Success builds success."
I did not hear from Teddy until seven years later, when his first letter appeared in my mailbox.
Dear Miss Thompson,
I just wanted you to be the first to know, I will be graduating second in my class next month.
Very Truly Yours,
Teddy Stallard
I send him a card of congratulations and a small package containing a pencil gift set. I wondered what he would do after graduation. Four years later, Teddy’s second letter came:
Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted you to be the first to know. I was informed that I'll be graduating first in my class. The university has not been easy, but I liked it.
Very Truly Yours,
Teddy Stallard
I sent him a good pair of sterling silver monogrammed cuff links and a card, so proud of him, I could burst.
And now - today - Teddy's last letter.
Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted you to be the first to know. As of today, I am Theodore J. Stallard, MD. How about that!!??
I'm going to be married in July, the twenty-seventh to be exact. I wanted to ask you if you would come and sit where Mom would sit if she were here. I will have no family there as Dad died last year.
Very Truly yours,
Teddy Stallard
I am not sure what kind of card one sends to a doctor on completion of medical school and state boards. Maybe I'll just wait and take a wedding gift, but my congratulations can't wait.
Dear Ted,
Congratulations! You made it, and you did it yourself! In spite of those like me and not because of us, this day has come for you. God bless you. I’ll be at the wedding with bells on!
I’m afraid shyness and introversion are quite different.
I agree that shyness can be overcome. Introversion is a preference for solitude, at present it is being defined as a person who recharges and relaxes best alone while an extrovert recharges and relaxes best with others. Introverts can be shy or not. Shy people can be extroverts waiting to be freed or introverts who can be helped to be more comfortable with groups but will remain introverts.
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