I've been on a decades long search for that healing myself. As a self professed Christian (and not a very good one I admit .........) what's happened to my marriage of 30 years and my two sons through all this has just been devastating.
To watch the mother of two sons be completely unable to form a meaningful mother-son relationship just kills me. All the BS she's doing to me now in divorce court I can handle. I get it: she blames me for EVERYTHING including what happened to her before I ever met her. Her own counselor has told me that. There's nothing I can do here other than to "move on" with my life.
What this is doing to my two sons however makes me want to curl up in a corner and wait to die sometimes. It's that painful
One thing I've found over the last year of my ongoing divorce is that there is, sadly, so many men living in similar marriages. I've met no fewer than 6 other men who also are married to wives that have been sexually abused as children. Most by family members (Uncles, Granfathers (yes "grandpa") and in one case by an uncle AND an aunt together.) In my wife's case it was her own father who raped her for almost three years.
The things we don't know about the women we marry and the family secrets they carry with them throughout their lives is really stunningly tragic.
I'm starting my life over at 54 and finding that so many women I meet carry the baggage of being sexually abused. It's horrifying if you look at the stats. The divorce rate among women who've suffered sexual abuse, especially by a family member is over 80% depending on which stats one believes.
In the case of women like my soon to be ex, it's even higher than that. When that hit me, it was like a ton of bricks: my marriage never really had a chance. How I made it 30 years is beyond me. I still don't understand it.
One more comment then I'm going to shut up as I feel like I'm bearing my soul here: I'm writing a book about my experience. It's from the perspective of a husband married to a woman who's been sexually abused/incest.
I've not found ANYTHING written by men, for men on this topic. I have the outline, foreword, dedication and context of each chapter already complete. It's 16 chapters in length, expecting it to be about 240-280 pages once complete which is targeted to be this summer.
I'm not planning on selling it as I don't need to (or want to..) profit in any way from the tragedy my family is going through. Rather, I'm going to distribute it freely via Amazon Publishing's free platform and other free e-book platforms. I'd submitted the outline, context and foreward along with background and other required material to Amazon Publishing for consideration. They're interested in seeing the final product which again, should be this summer sometime.
One last comment before I take my leave from this thread: I get where you're coming from. Here's the reality: there is good and evil in this world. There is a heaven and there is a hell. There is a war going on between good and evil as I type. Pedophilia is just one of many fronts in that war.
Peace to you.
I only recently saw what you wrote and pondered how to reply.
Even when we do not have a way to correct things which have happened to us or others, Jesus is the answer. And fortunately, sometimes He is the only answer as He is the only one that can help in His way.
“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.”
Romans 10:9-10
“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” Revelation 12:11
For people who allow and pursue Christ first in their lives and seek all He has for a believer, He heals them from the inside out meaning in their inner most being which is their spirit (their spirit is reborn as a new creation) moving outward to their soul (our mind, will and emotions) and even to healing of our temporal body until we gain a body like Jesus’ body later in God’s plan.
The first step is asking Jesus into our life by asking Him to save us (ALL who call upon the Lord shall be saved). Salvation from sin and receiving the righteousness of Jesus Christ to stand before the Father is instantaneous and permanent; however, it grows or processes out in our individual lives in three aspects:
1. Saved now in being born again (spirit changed and have the right standing with God that Jesus has),
2. Working out our own salvation by the renewing of our mind comprised of reading scripture (logos: His written message to us) and experiencing Rhema (His living Holy spirit illuminated message to us which can be found in scripture and the many ways the living God communicates to our spirit/heart), and
3. leaving earth for heaven.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8
“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, For God is the One working in you both to will and to work according to His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12-13
The Lord’s grace (unearned favor for succeeding God’s way) and peace to you.