I understand what you say that the ex wife doesn’t get to win and that the father should wrest the power of his visitation rights from her when she flippantly denies them. I know that women in divorce situations can be unreasonable. However, I must requote myself...”I understand well the price the children pay because of the adults’ power games.” I lived it.
Don’t let the needs of the emotionally wounded child get lost in the red haze of anger directed toward the ex. The children are the most innocent victims in a train wreck that is usually the parents making. My dad was mature and wise and realized this. Had he marched in and demanded his rights, he would have destroyed our fragile relationship. He still got his way, but he was respectful of my pain and for that I am grateful.
I can’t stand BOR either. He is an arrogant bully on camera. I can’t imagine any woman wanting to be married to him and being divorced from him must be ten times worse. I often don’t take the woman’s side in a divorce because I have several in my family who are sadistically cruel to their ex husbands, but in this case, who knows?
I keep repeating this, but it is critically important: it is in the best interest of children to have a meaningful relationship with both parents (assuming one or both is not adjudicated by the Court to be unfit). It is in the best interests of children NOT to have the parent not in possession, get bashed by the parent in possession. If Mom is bashing Dad and denying visitation in violation of a Court order, she is harming the child in two ways. Dad not asserting his visitation is harming the child in two more ways (ie. indicating to the child that the child is not important enough to fight for; showing the child that Mom’s idea that a Dad is unnecessary or that Dad can be replaced by another man of Mom’s choosing is perfectly OK).
We see the fruit of fathers who don’t want to be fathers, and/or mothers who don’t care to have Dad in the home, in Charlotte, NC these past few days.
We can all bring up anecdotal examples of how our own experience was an exception to the rule. All the studies I’ve seen or read underline the importance of a father (and mother, but especially a father) being active in life of his children. That is why the family Courts, at least in my jurisdiction, have erected a legal mountain for the primary custodian to relocate with the child(ren) to another jurisdiction. That is why visitation is enforced, even if child support is unpaid.
Yes children suffer in divorce, to varying degrees, regardless of the circumstances. The suffering should not be multiplied by denial of visitation with either parent.
A friend of mine recently attended a divorce recovery class at a local Baptist church. She was quite surprised by the number of Moms (especially ones who claimed to be Christians) who were not hiding that they wanted to “stick it” to the father of their children, financially or otherwise. Divorce is awful, but this is not something that either parent should be doing.
BOR is a jerk on air and perhaps also in his family life. I would not be surprised if he were a terrible father. If he is only now asserting parental rights and duties, shame on him.