This begs for a redneck parody. All weddings become shotgun weddings but not in the traditional sense — rather, the felicitous couple gets a 21 gun salute and the reception has target practice and... well the sky’s the limit as long as there is no actual mayhem.
Tell the woman to pack her shxx and leave and I’ll pack my Sig P-227. Then buy a 100 more guns and pay for sex. It is much less expensive in the long run.