I think we burned a few cities and have done our fair share of dealing death and destruction to our enemies.
We do seem to prosecute our armed forces for varying from the ROE more than some. I agree that if I was fighting Americans, I'd think about surrender... If I was an American getting over run with muslims. I don't think I'd surrender and would probably fight to the end.
That's the upside of treating prisoners well. Of course the Mongols were my favorite in dealing with muslims. They didn't "treat" any prisoners, any women and any children taller than the axle of a cart. They just asked them if they give up and if not....well then you never got a second chance. We somehow are under the impression that putting men in prison for a couple of years will change their ideology... and that's where I think we fail.
But I think all sides in war are capable of acts that would make me puke. As a veteran I'm sure that you've met men that were capable and possibly did some violent and deadly things to the enemy. I never served and only have fathers, uncles and cousins that I speak to about such things. I read a lot and know that we might have done things in the distant and not so distant past that involved civilian carnage and was chalked up to "cost of war". I agree with them, that civilian casualties are a "cost of war" and if my father or relatives are saved by their deaths...oh well. Light them up. But that's just me. Your mileage may differ.
Burning cities might have its time and place but for the most part, it has little effect in winning a war. You win a war when you run our flag up their flagpole and bombing alone can’t do that. In most modern fights you have to protect the folks caught in the middle while killing the bad guys.
We are quite good at that and have been for a while. And while we are engaged in destroying them, we also do a wonderful job protecting the civilians. It’s hard to do but it’s critical for mission success. A real professional, fully-trained and disciplined force makes it look easy.
We most assuredly killed the enemy. Day after day. It doesn’t take long to overcome qualms (if you had any) and hunt. The really hard part is getting your experienced, tough guys to stop once they get going.
War is brutal, miserable, and takes a toll on everyone, no matter who. No one who has served in direct combat is ever the same again.
It’s just the way it is.