Gut Check: 10 Predictions for the Democrat Debate Tonight by Greg Gutfeld - 13 Oct 2015
1. HILLARY WILL INITIALLY LAUGH LIKE A DRUNKEN FAIRGROUND HARLEQUIN
But it will be followed by an awkward silence, then she will address the moderator with a canned statement, and the world yawns. It won’t work, for anyone.
2. JIM WEBB WILL WIN SOMETHING
There are no expectations for Webb, which is odd, since he’s the most qualified of the bunch to be president. War hero, winner of the Navy Cross, Secretary of the Navy, Senator. This guy makes everyone up there look like lightweights. I’ll say more later.
3. LINCOLN CHAFFEE WILL MAKE A LAME JOKE ABOUT THE METRIC SYSTEM
And everyone will wonder at home, who is this weird guy and how did he get on the dais, which is a fancy word for stage. Some people might think he’s Steve Doocey. I might think he’s Steve Doocey. Steve Doocey might think he’s Steve Doocey.
4. Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
16%
WILL GO AFTER HILLARY ON HER TRADE FLIP FLOP, AND IT WILL HURT HER
She will make the point that once she was for the deal, but since then the deal has changed over time, she’s now uncomfortable with it. She’d say anything to get elected, and will prove it at least 13 times tonight. No one will buy it… even her.
5. THE PUBLIC WILL TURN IT OFF AFTER THE FIRST HOUR
Now having suckled at the Republican extravaganza (featuring the human cannonball, Donald Trump), all of America will find this debate to be slow, vacuous, and verging on comatose. This will only help Trump. The only exception would be if…
6. WEBB PULLS A TRUMP
And completely tears into his competitors, specifically on national security. Webb, once Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, served in Vietnam. Sure, he included some seriously weird sex scenes in his fiction books, but so what. At least they weren’t in his nonfiction books. He’s the guy who can pointedly square off against Hillary for her lapse in judgment, and how that lapse sacrificed our nation’s security. My prediction: he’ll be at 9 percent by Friday, shaving points off Hillary.
7. HILLARY WILL CALL THE EMAIL SCANDAL A MISTAKE
But a moderator should then wisely point out that a mistake is not intentional, and what she did was intentional. You don’t create an entire server by accident. If that was a mistake, so was the moon landing. “Well, funny thing is, we were planning to go to Miami – and we ended up on the moon.” That’s essentially what she’s saying.
She will drop at least another 7 to 8 points after the debate. Unless….
8. SHE FINDS HER INNER A-HOLE AND GETS AGGRESSIVE
It’s pointless for HRC to be gentle – no one buys it. Trump can’t be modest, so he doesn’t bother. He was born to play an arrogant confident alpha male. HRC should follow suit, and just be a pissed off bruiser. If she doesn’t, she’s toast. Either she wows, or gets walloped.
9. I WILL BE SOMEWHERE, DRUNK, TWEETING
In midtown. Look for me. I’ll be drinking red wine in Hell’s Kitchen.
10. THERE IS NO TENTH PREDICTION
And voila: there is none here! Which, oddly, makes it the only valid prediction here.
Nice!